History has many cunning passages.  --T. S. Eliot

1.  Falling Through History

The devil didn't fall.   It was no accident, a clumsy soft-shoe off an unsteady cloud, a big step
when it should've been a small one.   That was apocrypha, no more real than black wings and a
forked tail, a bedtime story to reassure kids that God didn't have a temper.   Truth, Lex thought,
was a comedian in a circle of hecklers.   

And in the history of not-truth, the real story was this:  when Lucifer did his nosedive from the
Home for Retired Angels, he had a little help.   Sure, pride yanked him down like a hungry river, but
truth be told--and sometimes it had to be--God shoved him.  Two hands right over his unbeating
heart, then clouds over his head, fire in it after.   Now history was in reruns, only this time God
was in high school and the devil wore Hugo Boss.   And it was time for the devil to pay.

"You can't talk your way out of this one, Lex.   I know how you really are.   The friendship's
over."   Clark's face when he said it was ice-in-the-summer cold.   Clark, the warmest person Lex
had ever known.   

All because Lex told a lie, didn't explain the accident of the irradiated flowers, Dr. Hamilton as
the floral Dr. Frankenstein, his own search for a meteorite cure for the leukemia that wasn't, for
answers to questions that no one asked, cures because the world was one sick place.   Now Pete
had a gun and a heavy dose of hostility, while Jonathan and Lana were dying in the hospital.   Lex
was the human monkey paw: wish for something, and death came knocking. 

That's when Clark shoved him.   Crack of pain as Lex's head hit the wall, Clark's hands imprinted
on his chest.   He fell and a black rush sped to his brain, knocking him into a dream.   It faded to
nothing in a minute, and he lay there, stunned and confused, finally oriented by the red wall, red
carpet, the perfect setting for a little cosmic justice. 

"Clark, what the hell...?"   Got it right on the first take.     

"I'm sorry, Lex."   

Deviation from the script, and Lex's confused relief grew as Clark helped him up.   Pete sprawled
in a chair, open-mouthed and unconscious, the gun gone.   "So it was an act?"  
  
"I didn't know what else to do," Clark said.   Read: ‘Other than shove you into a wall when my
hyped-on-flower-juice friend Pete went all John Wayne and tried to buy you a one-way ticket to
the red, scary place.' 

"You had me for a moment."   Classic defensive understatement.   They were tied for the Oscar,
he and Clark, and he'd process Clark's brutally-smooth lie about broken friendship after his head
gave up the bass beat.   "I thought you were serious.   What are they feeding you on the farm?"  
Quick deflective jab with some tendentious humor.   God, he hated Freud.   Still, he was so close
to total forgiveness that Lex heard angels humming.  

Unfortunately, Clark wasn't finished.   Seems sorry and the help back up weren't full forgiveness,
only slippery steps to it.   "Was Hamilton really here?"

The question dragged him back to the edge.   "What do you think, Clark?"   No lightning, no
thunder.   Lies made Lex itch, and he'd learned to stand still only by watching his father.  He'd
like to blame him for this, but blame didn't stretch that thin, and mea culpa wasn't just for
priests in confession anymore.   Lex's money funded the research, and Hamilton had a point about
unpredictable steps.   Cause and effect, chaos theory in action, and Lex had butterfly wings, the
match.   He was the box-holder, which left the very cold hope that Clark believed him.   Except
that Clark was a farmer's kid who'd grown up around bullshit, and as the savior of Smallville he
knew a broken commandment when he heard one.   Thou shalt not scam thy best friend.   

"Okay.   Then let's get Pete to the hospital."   The look he gave Lex was very Old Testament.   

___

Days later, Lex's headache was gone, but even a sulphurous river of paper couldn't drown that
look.  The numbers jumbled, columns turning into thighs, and he had to walk away.   Drive away,
foot hard on the gas, not answering his cell because that spelled disaster, a ride off a bridge.  
Clark was all about accidents, stopping them, being one, and they'd already played that game six
months ago.  Adolescent in itself to care what a fifteen-year-old kid thought, like Clark was the
morality police or the chorus in the sordid play of his life, and Lex aimed for ironic distance
behind the wheel of his car.   Drove straight for it and missed, because he drove like he lived: with
a false precision that hid a messy attention to detail.   

History had the answers, and Lex was a backwards-looker; even Clark had noticed it.  
Machiavelli to Nietzsche: how to be an uber-asshole in twenty-six not-so-easy steps.   But life was
about patterns and rhythms, had to be, or what was the point?   The urge came for something
juicy and historical, a library kind of book, Juvenal's Satires or Suetonius' Lives of the Caesars,
the second of which he'd foolishly lent in grad school to a girl with big breasts and no short-term
memory.   Overall, a bad trade since she'd dumped him for a football player.   ‘You're too
serious, Lex.'   So what did she want with Suetonius?   

People were a mystery, and the problem with solving mysteries was just that:  they were over.   It
worked both ways: too much revealed, disappointment, rejection.   What happened when Caesar
showed too much of himself?   A bloody break-up on the Senate floor.   Same story with the devil
now that he thought about it: what pissed God off was the honest admission that Lucifer wanted
what he had.   History wasn't a big fan of confession.   On his darker, drunken days, Lex admitted
that this was why he'd never touched Clark.   Confession led to falls and pain.   He preferred
silence or at least displaced admissions.   Tell your mother you love her, and her heart gave out.   
Tell your father, and he used it against you.   Besides, Clark liked Lana.   It was a fact.   Clark
liked quiet, pretty, unattainable girls, not lie-happy, skinned billionaires' sons.     

The Smallville Public Library smelled like stale bread.   No one around except a dusty librarian
with surprisingly bright lipstick; the other colors were dull greens and blues, worn-out armchairs
with shiny seats, metal bookcases that climbed the greying walls.  Books came here to die.   He'd
play patron of the arts, give them an endowment secretly, the way he did with charity things.  
Even Machiavelli, the Ann Landers for the tyrannical set, applauded princes who ‘endeavored in
any way to increase the prosperity of their city.'   

The history section lurked at the back, like even librarians found the subject embarrassing.   The
oldest books peered out from an oak cabinet with glass doors.   Unlocked, of course; this was
Smallville, after all, with Clark as the cabinet, easy metaphor, and Lex really needed to get a life,
get laid, a tall girl with blue-green eyes, dark hair, and long, long legs.   There'd been Victoria,
but that turned out the way it always did: ugly.   His father had sent him a message a few weeks
ago, sharing the rumor that Victoria had celebrated her newfound poverty with a bottle of
champagne and a hundred sleeping pills.  

Lex concentrated on the books.   The Nicodemus Diary, the tell-all bestseller of nineteenth-
century Smallville, sat placidly on the top right side.   The original, not the cheap paperback
reprint that he'd given to Hamilton, all about the flowers of doom and the torched settlement
where Lex's estate now stood.   Creepy story, but the writer had a flair for the dramatic, so what
the hell.   Too high to reach so he grabbed the stool, a kid going for the cookie jar, and climbed
up.   The rough spine bit his finger, and the blood tasted too sweet.   That's when he noticed the
second volume, squeezed behind the row, invisible except to a guy pausing to suck his bloody
finger.   

The Nicodemus Diary II: A Brief History Of Tragical Affairs in Morley, a thin volume by the
same priest who'd written the first one.   Morley, Smallville before the kick-ass name change
courtesy of Benjamin Small, a former mayor best known for, well, his name.   Not exactly Die
Hard II, but he was here for history, and this was part of his. 

At the front desk, he turned the book so the lipstick-librarian wouldn't see the blood on the cover,
and when she wasn't looking, took a donation form.   "Thanks."

Back at home, he slid some jazz in the CD player, Bird at the roost, loud enough to hear over the
shower.   Hot, hot water, streams of it, before dinner.   Jerked off once, shamed himself by calling
"Clark" as he came.   That face always did him in: Clark on the riverbank, reviving him, Clark at
the loft, smiling into the sun.   One very tender slice of duck a l'orange later, a glass of iced
Stolychnaya Ohranj beside him (he appreciated a recurring theme), he was in bed, naked under
silk.  

The phone didn't ring, and he ignored it mostly, picking up the book.   The blood had dried
invisible.   The title was misleading: while the story began with a few pieces of morality-laden
gossip from Morley's history focused on adultery, the focus shifted to the priest whom the writer
had replaced at Holy Trinity.   Lex knew the place, although he'd never been inside the church
proper, only the hall in the basement.   Apparently there'd been a scandal, and he kept reading.

Florid style--the priest was a drama queen, and used ten words when he needed one.   Lots of
words, smooth, even flow of them, like breaths...     
  
Lex slept with the book.   There were dreams between the pages.   

___

People stare as he walks down the street, which isn't new.   Neither is the street: no concrete
anywhere, no traffic lights.  The tallest building is only a few stories, and all have sloped roofs and
flat white faces, windows like the eyes of Argus.   The doors are painted red as mouths, although
the talk takes place inside.   Someone is baking bread for transformation; afterward, it always
tastes different, dry and faintly gritty, like old skin.     

No Hugo Boss but some all-black get-up, and the hem billows a fine, brown dust.   There's a
book in his hand, black beads at his waist.   Too much sky overhead, the painted kind with clouds
that never drift.   A cart sits before a tavern, and the horse seems asleep, not even twitching its
tail.   Even the leaves of the scattered trees are motionless.   He might be dead.  

He's wrong about the buildings: a turned corner, past a neat row of poplars, and the spire
appears, cross-topped.   The bell doesn't ring, but he feels it, a reminder of time and fathers.   The
church's wooden edges seem very sharp, even with the moss creeping between the slats, and with
its white paint, the building's too bright, like a misplaced sun.   It would be cool inside, even with
the tiers of candles.   Lex keeps walking, guided by a  purpose he doesn't understand.

Ahead, the gullet of the street narrows and grass clutters ditches that now run beside it, as do
spiky yellow flowers drooping in the heat.   Sweat travels down his spine, and the robe's rough
cloth scratches his skin.  No more wooden sidewalks, and the houses are a memory.   When his
feet in black boots move faster, he slows them.  Other parts are less easily controlled since bodies,
like the weather, are disobedient; he'd beat them both if he could.  

The road is grooved from wagon wheels until it splits in two at an arrow-shaped sign.   The city is
to the left, but he heads right, following the river that glints silvery green.   In the distance, a farm
rises from the earth, carrying the cows' humid smell, with an orchard beside the water, and he
goes to it, walking between the trees.   Different smell here (why is this so vivid?), moist soil and
dying cherries under branches that reach like arms.   Easy to get lost here in the rows, so many
leaves and scaled brown trunks, but there are magnets in his boots.  

With his face shaded by a tree taller than the rest, the boy looks like a man.   The shirt open to his
waist shows the strong lines of his chest, sweat-oiled skin darkened by the sun, and his legs are
very long.   When he steps into the patchy light, his face is young, too young.   "I wasn't sure
you'd come."    Clark always says this.   "I mean, I know you're busy."

"You asked."

"I'm glad you're here."

"I missed you.   In church last Sunday."

"My father needed me.   One of the horses was sick.   We almost lost him, and we can't afford
that right now."   Too many words, the sign of a lie.

"It's all right.   I know your father doesn't like me."

He's quiet, then, "I do."

No one else can shake his rhythm, and he takes a step in the wrong direction.   Edging too close,
and he can see too much, too many colors and angles.  "Your confession.   I'm ready for it now."

"I've already given it," he says, and there's a wide, soft smile.   

"Liking someone's not a sin."   He almost believes it, standing here in the orchard with him.  

"Want to go for a swim?   You can do that, can't you?"

"I haven't forgiven you yet."

"You said there wasn't a sin."   His chin lifts a little.

"It depends."   He's not sure Clark's listening: his shirt's already off, dropped to the ground.   His
skin's colored like a penny, uniform everywhere except the brown of his nipples, the line of dark
hair that starts low on his flat stomach.   In another time, he'd have an arrow in his hip.   "It
depends," he says again, "on how you like the person."

"Are you coming for a swim or not?"

"I can't.   Don't you know what I am?"

"You're my friend."

"It's more complicated than that."

"It doesn't have to be.   Under all that, you're like me.   Take it all off, right now, and you'll see." 

"I've got to go."   Lex isn't sure where or that he really wants to leave.   It's like someone else is
speaking for him.

"You're mad at me."

The hurt's dangerous; it makes him want to reach out.   "You don't understand anything."

"Try me," he says.   "Just try me."

Lex breaks, and Clark's mouth tastes like cherries.   It carries him cloud-high, that taste, the
sweetness, higher, until he's Icarus in the afternoon sun.   The kiss changes him, wine to blood,
dead to alive, melting rules and time.   

A voice interrupts them.  At first, he thinks it's God, but it's Jonathan, looking for Clark.  "I've
got to go," Lex says again, without moving.   There's that familiar dream-heaviness to his feet,
like he's sinking in quicksand.

Clark stands there, touching his mouth.   His face is flushed, and he looks sun-struck.   "Come
back tonight."

"I can't.   I've got things to do."

"It's okay.   I understand.   Look, I'll come to church this time, no matter what he says."  

"I really have to go."   In other of those quick shifts, Lex is already back in town, walking
between the eyes and mouths.   That's when he remembers his book, lying under the cherry tree
like the marker of a grave.   

He doesn't go back.

___

Taste of cherries in his mouth.   

Lex reached for the lamp and sat squinting in the blurry light.   Luthor Manor.  2002.   All the
modern conveniences, from the widescreen tv to the laptop.   Still naked, no creepy black robe
like the Jesuit pricks at St. Ignatius.  (‘They'll teach you discipline,' his father said.  From his
mother: ‘Your grandfather would be so proud').   His thighs were sticky; he'd come like the
wacked priest when he kissed that kid who was and wasn't Clark.   

Stupid-ass dream, subtle as a hangover, and he reached for the warm vodka.   Lesson?   Simple:
don't read overblown prose after indulging in orange duck, Russian booze and guilt complexes.  
The last thing he needed was the mess of fucking a modern-day Christ.   Look what happened to
Judas: hanged himself from a tree, red head pointed down.   Besides, Clark's feelings in the dream
were pure projection: in reality, he was a nice kid with a crush on a cheerleader.   Sure, he was
nice to Lex, but then he was nice to everyone, the type who helped little old ladies across the
street and rescued kittens from trees, albeit with an interesting edge when he thought he was
being used.    Not to mention any lingering issues that Clark had with Lex's recent web of half-
truths around his involvement with Dr. Hamilton and the flowers.  

The dream's realistic detail was also easily explained:   the orchard stood at the back of his
property, and he walked there every few weeks for the quiet.   Credit his overworked brain doing
a puzzle, no matter how real the dream felt.   His hand shook, and the vodka sloshed over the
sides and onto the silk.   "Great," he muttered.   "Just fucking great."

To top it off, he was boiling, like someone had jacked the thermostat, although they were in the
middle of a freak heat wave.   Only when he pulled off the sheet, there was grass and mud, the
soles of his feet stained with cherry juice.

___

In the morning, he called Dr. Vargas.   "I need sleeping pills."

"Who is...?   Lex.  You know what time it is?"

Lex glanced at the clock.   4:36 am.   "I've been telling time for years.   It's one of the neat things
adults do.   Now call in a prescription to the Smallville Pharmacy.   Something with a kick.  
Horse pills."   

"You're having trouble sleeping?"

"I'm having trouble staying in bed."

"Some rigorous exercise will help you sleep."

"I'm getting plenty of rigorous exercise.   That's the fucking problem."

"You're sleepwalking?"  

"Brilliant diagnosis, Doc.  Glad to know your years at Harvard Med weren't a total waste.  Yes,
I've been sleepwalking."

"I doubt it's physiological.   You got a clean bill of health last month.   Are you under a lot of
stress?"

"Nothing unusual."   

"What about alcohol?  That can trigger it.   Did you drink before you went to bed?"

"Yes, but I've done that before."  

"That's probably it.   Nothing to worry about unless it happens again."

"I don't want it to happen again.  I want the pills."

"Fine.   I'll give you some triazolam.  Halcion.  It's a muscle-relaxant, too, so--"

"I don't care what it is as long as it works."

"It works, but you have to watch out for the side effects.   If you notice any confusion,
depression, or--"

"Whatever.   Just get them to me."

Always a pleasure," Vargas said, as Lex was hanging up.   Sarcastic bastard.   How he'd managed
to convince a few patients to sleep with him was anyone's guess.   Without that dying kid of his,
he'd be history.  

Now tired as a crack-wired junkie, Lex gave up on sleep and headed for the shower, leaving a
muddy red trail.   Good thing for non-disclosure contracts, or by noon the denizens of Smallville
would be speculating on Lex Luthor's latest midnight foray.  ‘I heard his bed looked like a
compost heap.   God only knows what he was doing in there.  Who he was doing.   Did you hear
about him and those English boys?   Too much money, not enough discipline...'

Dressed with touches of imperial purple, he avoided the kitchen and went to the study.   Did some
work to prove he wasn't disturbed by his nocturnal call of the wild and avoided the clock to prove
he wasn't obsessed.  At exactly 6:45, he revved up the black Ferrari and sped off toward the
Talon.   With one coffee in his hand, the other three secured in a cardboard holder and a bag of
Danish on the seat beside him, Lex failed ‘I'm Not Obsessed 101' for the second time that day and
drove to the Kent farm.   At 7:15, he peered through the screen door and called out to Martha
Kent, "I come bearing gifts."

"Lex.  Come in."   

Smell of fresh bread and butter, cinnamon under it, as she opened the door.   "Mrs.  Kent.   Mr. 
Kent."   He nodded at Jonathan, who eyed him from the table with his usual enthusiasm.  If Lex
were a bug, he'd be staring up from the bottom of Jonathan's work boot. 

"What are you doing here, Lex?   I thought you millionaire-types slept in ‘til noon."

"I have an early meeting today, and thought I'd see if Clark wanted a lift to school.   I brought
this for you, fresh from the Talon."    He offered the coffee.

"He hasn't had his breakfast," Jonathan said.   "Growing kid like that needs to eat."

"How sweet, Lex."   Martha gave her husband a look as she accepted the holder.   "Clark will be
down in a minute.   And Lex, thank you again for the flowers you sent when Jonathan was in the
hospital.   Not to mention bringing in those doctors from Metropolis."   

"It was the least I could do."   

A series of thumps as Clark barreled down the stairs.   Then he was in the kitchen, hair wet from
the shower, shirt half-untucked.    "I thought I heard...Hi, Lex."   Big, warm grin.   "Here to tell
us you haven't been robbing the Smallville Savings and Loan?"

"I told you, Clark: I'd wear a mask.   You'd never know."   He found himself grinning back.   If
this was an act to cover Clark's concerns, he was channeling Gielgud.   "I bought coffee with my
big score."

"And I'll bring you some in prison."   Clark fixed his shirt, shook his wet head, splattering them
all in the process and grabbed a cup.   The long sip showed the longer line of his neck.  

"Want a ride?  I've got pastry in the car."  

"The cherry kind I like?"

"What else?"   Lex kept the obvious dirty metaphor to himself, saving it for his dreams.

"You'll get there too early if you go now," Jonathan said, his own coffee untouched.   

"That's okay.   Chloe will be in The Torch office, and she always needs extra help.   Just let me
get my stuff."

"Mr. Kent, how long has your family been living in these parts?"   

"Why?  Hoping for a loophole so you can snap up our property?"  Jonathan had apparently
forgotten that the liberating flower juice had been flushed from his system.  

"Jonathan!"  Martha shook her head.   "Forgive him, Lex.  He's not a morning person."   

Or an afternoon person, or a... 

"The Kents have been living in Smallville since before the Civil War.   Jonathan's family came
over in the early nineteenth century, and they've been farming ever since."

Clark burst back into the room, bag over one shoulder.   "Ready."

"Don't forget your jacket, honey."

"It's warm out again, Mom.   Feels like spring."

"Can't trust the weather," his father said.   

Lex felt like the weather.   "It's supposed to stay like this through the weekend."

"We'd better go, Lex, before my dad starts with his speech about farmers and how they know
more than anyone."  Clark's smile even got a reluctant one from his father.  "Later."   He kissed
his mother on the cheek, but when he went to leave, she touched his arm.

"Hold on, honey.   I need you to pick up some things at the store after school."   Martha pulled
off a square of paper stuck to the fridge with a heart-shaped magnet.   "I'd do it myself, but I've
got to help your father and my class is tonight.   It's for a good cause."

"I'd do it for the pie alone," he said, and tucked the list into his pocket, then pushed Lex gently
through the door.  "Now let's go get that breakfast." 

"Enjoy the coffee," Lex shouted over his shoulder.

Clark was already in the car, his mouth full.   "This is so good.   A lot better than cold cereal."  
He licked his lips, checking for stray crumbs, shoved his hand back in the bag, then paused.   "Can
I have another one?   I'm always hungry lately.   My mom says I eat more than some of the cows.  
Don't know where it all goes."

"It's all for you."   The engine gave a throaty laugh.   With the sun on overdrive, Lex opened the
windows.   

"You're the best friend ever."   Clark sat half-turned toward him, watching in that deceptively
earnest way.   

"So how've you been?   Tell me everything."

"Busy.   We got behind on the chores when my dad was sick.   All he did was watch football and
hit on my mom, and he was out of it for a few days after the doctors finished with him.   What
about you?   You look tired."

Nothing a little certainty wouldn't cure.   "Just trying to finish a project I didn't handle right."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Not unless you're a farmboy by day and a tax attorney by night."   Oh, and a blowjob wouldn't
hurt.

"Want to talk about it?   Sometimes that helps when there's a problem."

"I just want to put it all behind me."   Clark went quiet in his corner, and when Lex looked over,
he was staring out the window.   "Everything okay?"   

"Actually, there's something I need to talk to you about.   Something I've been thinking about a
lot since the other night at your place, when Pete freaked out."

A point of pride that Lex didn't drive off the road.   "Talking's overrated, Clark."

"It's important."

"We can't do it now.   There's the school."   And he drove too fast into the parking lot.   "Maybe
some other time."

"How about this Sunday?   I can come to your place around noon."

"This sounds serious."

"It's...I don't like lying, Lex.   It doesn't matter why you do it.   It's wrong."   

"Life isn't Sunday School, Clark.   Sometimes people have good reasons to lie."   Lying about
lying--a new low.   

"I thought about that.   But it's too easy, you know?   If you're friends with someone, and you
trust them, then it's just...I don't know.   Creepy."

Creepy was teen-speak for unforgivable.   Lex was fifteen again, listening to Veronica Martin
explain why she couldn't go out with him anymore.   ‘It's the bald thing, Lex.  It's too creepy. 
I'm sorry.'   Except this was worse.   "Sounds like your mind's made up."

"It is."   No desperation, just matter of fact.   

Lex had bad luck with cars: he kept dying in them.   Maybe he should sell his collection and get a
motorcycle.  A bicycle.   A horse.   "Clark, trust me: some boxes are better left unopened."   

"I know that one.   Pandora.   Chloe thinks she got a raw deal."   He laughed a little.   "Don't go
all mythological on me, Lex.   This isn't about old stories and dead people.   It's about us.   Our
friendship."

"You'd better go, or you'll be late."

The herd of students had started walking up the stairs and into the building.   Clark glanced at
them, then back at Lex.   "You seem mad."

"I'm not."

"I guess you wish I hadn't brought this up."

"If you feel we have to talk about it, then we will."

"Okay.   Just don't be mad.   I'll see you on Sunday."   The car door slammed shut.

On Sunday, Lex would be in Metropolis or New York.   L.A.   Anywhere but at his house,
waiting to get dumped by a kid he hadn't even kissed.   ‘The friendship's over, Lex.'   He felt like
he was falling. 

Clark was wrong.   This was a very old story.   

___

Work was apocalyptic.   Lex misread figures, skipped appointments, ignored phone calls.   His
goddamn omnipotent father knew, and by mid-afternoon had emailed him from Tokyo:   "The
cat's away, but has very large ears and sharp teeth, and will eat mouse on return.   Better yet,
come here.   Our team can use another man, even a mousy one."   Prick.   It didn't improve his
mood.   Lunch was a half-eaten tuna roll stuffed with cucumber pieces, and their thick, fleshy
texture turned his stomach. 

At four, so restless he couldn't sit, Lex made two calls.   The first was to his chauffeur, telling him
to pick up the Halcion from the drugstore.   The second was to an old business acquaintance of
his father's, and it took Lex fifteen minutes to list his requirements.   

Miriam was surprised to hear from him, but quoted a price and promised a worthwhile return.   "I
know the perfect  the one.   He's an actor."

"Who isn't?"

"They all want to be actors or singers, but I know where their real skills lie.   Trust me on this
one.   You won't be disappointed."

At seven, Lex lay naked on the bed in the hotel suite, a glass of Absolut Citron in his hand.   It
didn't come in cherry flavor.   Rich room green as a river, touches of gold and black--sun and
earth.   Life would be easier if things weren't always something else.   The world was too damn
slippery, and he took another smooth-stinging sip.   Better drink now while it was still safe.  
Tonight he intended to sleep the sleep of the drugged and well-fucked.   No more cherry-flavored
boys or echoing guilt.   His father had nailed that one:   ‘Guilt is a nasty habit, Lex.   It's for
women and priests.'   Tonight was an exorcism.   

The knock came precisely on the half-hour.   "Come in," Lex said.   "It's not locked."   The door
swung open, and, Jesus, Miriam had delivered.   Clark's older brother, just a few shades off if he
squinted.   Okay, shorter, narrower, hair longer, but with the same full, wide mouth.   It was
enough with the booze in him and the lights at half-mast.  The flannel shirt and jeans didn't hurt;
the guy even had a knapsack over one shoulder.   

"Hi," he said, ducking his head.   Deeper voice than Clark's, but the attitude was right, awkward
and confident both.   "I hope I got here on time."

"The cash is there," Lex told him, but he didn't even look, just walked in, closing the door behind
him.   Good.  A pro, and Lex relaxed, spreading his legs a little wider, letting the guy see him.  
Better to show the baldness, all of it, at the beginning, to avoid that annoying look of ‘What the
fuck?'.

"You're going to have to tell me what you want.   I've never done this before."   He lied like a
pro, too, met Lex's eyes and smiled, then looked down at his feet.   "But I'm glad you invited me. 
 I've...I've thought about this a lot."

"Take your clothes off."   He was already getting hard.   And why not?   After tonight he'd be
free.   Box closed.   A final sip of his drink, and Lex put the glass on the nightstand where it sat
shiny and alone.  

The guy walked to the armchair, tossed his bag on it, kicked off his running shoes.   The shirt
came off slower.  Smooth chest underneath, nice flow of muscles.   Hesitation when it came to the
jeans, a quick, nervous smile before he started to slide them off.   He stood for a minute in his
dark blue boxers, watching Lex.   "I've been waiting a long time for this.   I guess I'm a little
nervous.   Maybe you could help?"   

"Come here."

He walked over to the bed, and Lex sat up, hooked his thumbs in the boxers and pulled them
down.   Body out of context, and this could be Clark, all smooth skin, dark hair around a nice,
thick cock.   Not hard, but not soft either.  Ready for his mouth, and a few licks had it stiffening
on his tongue.   

The guy's hands closed on his shoulders, and he said, "God, that's so good.   I've never felt
anything like this."  

Lex didn't look up, distracted by history, fast-forwarding images of bridges and falling, waking
and knowing, the first time they crash-met and the second, when Clark showed up at his house to
return the balancing gift.   No warning that time either: he was suddenly there in the doorway, and
Lex said hello by shooting his load or at least his foil right at Clark's head.  That was Clark:
unexpected in a predictable world.   Clark in his mouth now, light soap smell, soft needy sounds.   

A stroke of his cheek broke through the daydreams.   "I want to touch you.   Lie back and let me
do it to you," he said, always breathless.

The pillows sighed as he leaned back, his legs open.   Clark between his legs, that first touch of
his tongue.   Perfect, except--

Lex tilted the dark head so the hair fell into his face.   There, and he relaxed into the blowjob.  
Lots of tongue, no teeth, very wet and noisy, a little pre-ordered hesitation thrown in.   Sucked in
to the base, slow pull off, head explored, entered, circled, while his fingers traced veins,
squeezing, stroking below the tongue, double action that usually sent Lex stratosphere-high.  

Only forty-five minutes later, Lex still couldn't come.   His balls started to ache, he was slick
everywhere with sweat, and nothing.   He'd get close, fucking that wide mouth, ramming his cock
nice and deep.   There'd be that windy rush down his spine, and his muscles would lock while he
arched...And the orgasm would stall.   He'd drop back on the damp pillows, unclench his fists,
and it would start again.  

For inspiration, Lex reviewed his hottest sexual encounters.   The English twins from a few
summers ago in London.  He'd ordered them to kneel on their bed in some grubby East End flat,
then alternated between each pale ass.   After he came, they'd blown each other and fallen asleep
in a tangle at the foot of the bed.  Then some tabloid photographer had caught the three of them
groping in the back room of a club and the international press had picked up the story.  
‘Billionaire's Son Climbs Twin Peaks.'   

When the memory didn't work, Lex tried the Russian art student he'd picked up at the
Hermitage.   She'd been standing in front of Titian's Saint Sebastian, and they'd gone back to his
hotel.   She stole his cash, but it was worth it for those endless legs and the harsh syllables
whispered in his ear.   At the time, he'd figured she was saying "Fuck me harder," but in
retrospect it was probably "Hurry up so I can rob you blind."    

Things kept getting confused in his head, faces shifting.   He thought about the girl's voice, the
thereness it brought, and picked up the phone beside the bed.   Not defeat, only an unforeseen
step in the exorcism process.   "Just keep doing what you're doing," he said, punching in the
number.    

"Whatever you want.   I could suck your cock all night."  His mouth looked tender, but the fake
worship stayed in his eyes.  

"It won't take that long."   He brought his knees up, and kept one hand on the guy's head.   "And
don't say anything until the call's over."   One ring, and, "Hi, Clark."

"Lex, remind me why homework's a good thing.  Especially history.   And don't tell me that
knowledge is power or I'll hang up."

His voice had the desired effect.   So hard now and ready.   "It'll keep your dad off your back."

"Good enough.   So what are you doing?"

"Taking care of unfinished business."   Between Lex's legs, fake-Clark licked the head of his
cock, holding it tight with both hands.   

"Same thing from before?"

"I'm having trouble letting go.   I need to concentrate on the present."

"History sucks, Lex.   Trust me.   I know."   Pages turned at the other end.   "It's always the
same thing.  Different names, same problems."

"And you're going to change all that?"

"I'm going to try.   Otherwise, what's the point?"

"And how is this miracle going to happen?"

"I don't know yet.   I'm thinking of becoming a reporter.   Maybe.   Help people that way.   Show
them things."

Raising his hips, Lex pushed down on the dark head until his cock was buried deep.   "You're
going to solve the world's problems by telling everyone what to do?"  His voice sounded shaky,
so he shifted until only the tip of his cock received attention.  

"Not telling, showing.   Sometimes people get stuck in the same groove."

"What makes you any different?"  

"I like to think I bring an alien perspective to things."

Lex heard the smile.   "You're definitely a weird kid."   

"Don't call me a kid, Lex.   You're only five years older than me."

"That's thirty-five dog years."

"And you say I'm the weird one."

"You do have a few redeeming qualities."   He saw the head of his cock, wet and shiny, before it
disappeared back into the gently-sucking mouth.    

"Like what?"

"Your habit of saving bald millionaires, for one."

"That's too easy," Clark said.   "Give me something else."

"Hold on.   What about me?   Can you find anything redeemable there?"

"You have very good taste in friends."

"Is that the best you can come up with?"

"You're strong.   You're so strong it's kind of scary sometimes.   I guess...The thing I want most
in the world is to be normal, like everyone else.   And you don't care.   That's great, but also
intimidating."

"Intimidating?   That's a good point?   I don't think I'm flattered."

"The strong part is good.   How you always get what you want.   Always go after what you
want."

"I don't always get what I want, Clark.   Trust me."   The tongue between his legs moved down
to his balls, long, slow licks between kisses to his inner thighs.   Clark would do it like that, no
rushing, just sweet, light pressure.   It could be him, if Lex kept his eyes half-closed.  

"What's stopping you?"

"I don't like to make mistakes."

"You mean you don't like taking chances?"

"It depends if the outcome's weighted in my favor."   Lex spread his legs wider, leaning further
back on the pillows.   The tongue penetrated him, but he was ready and didn't moan in Clark's
ear, not even when a hand closed over his cock and the tongue pushed deeper, a hot wetness that
crept inside.   He shivered and placed his hand over the one jerking him off, slowing it.  Kept it
there. 

"My dad says--"

"Clark, if you talk about your dad now I'll have to hurt you."

"Okay, then tell me about my redeeming qualities."

"You're persistent."   Lex got a laugh, and pleasing Clark made him even hotter so he slowed the
hand even more.   His cock looked ready to burst, stiff with blood, and the teasing licks lower
down didn't help.   "And I like the parts of you that aren't normal.   Normal is very overrated."

"You know what else I like about you, Lex?"

"Tell me."   Close again, but different than before, not mechanical pleasure, just this, Jesus, this
sweet syrupy run that went from Clark's mouth to Lex's ear, a straight gold line like the painted
one in a Renaissance annunciation.  He was a puppet, his strings pulled tight, and he guided
Clark's mouth back to his cock, pretending that Sunday didn't exist.   "Tell me what you like,
Clark.  In detail."   He wanted to add, ‘You owe me,' except it was the other way around.   

"You don't judge people.   I mean, you do, but not like other people.   Like when Amy was doing
her stalker-thing.  You didn't freak out or get mad.   It was pretty nuts, but you were cool about
it."

The hot mouth slid up and down, and Lex tangled his Clark's hair.   "Don't stop."

"Same thing with Kyle Tippet when he got hurt.   The guy lived in a trailer in the woods, and
everyone else in town thought he was a shorter version of Big Foot, but you helped him."

Lex hoped the noise he made sounded like agreement.  

"Then there's me." 

It was enough.   Lex yanked Clark from his cock and shot a sticky splatter onto his own chest.

"You might've noticed that I'm not Mr. Popular in Smallville--"

Another one.   Jesus, it was intense.  

"More like the town dork.  But--"

A third burst, hot on his stomach, Clark's voice still rumbling in his ear.  
 
"--you're my friend anyway."

Last one, strong as the first.   "Yes, Clark," Lex said, swallowing to level his voice, "I'm your
friend."

"Hey, my dad's calling, so I'll let you go now, Lex, but don't forget about Sunday."

Way to kill the afterglow.

___

Lex lived up to his own promise and didn't dream that night.  Okay, he didn't sleep either, staying
up until dawn and using his cock to work out his issues, all without another 1-800 call to Clark.  
Cheated slightly with the lookalike, flipping him onto his belly and taking him from behind, over
and over again.   Came a lot, and maybe said "Clark" once or twice.   Allowable in the context of
curing himself. 

Dawn now, with splashes of dusty sun hitting the carpet.   He didn't join the kid in the shower,
not after the light found his face and pointed out the non-Clark wrongness of it.   Moral hangover,
that's all it was.   To prove it, he called the airline and booked a flight to Tokyo for Sunday
afternoon.   Screw Clark and his Boy Scout virtue.   

A condom wrapper scratched Lex's thigh, and he tossed it on the floor with the others.   Place
looked like a whorehouse, smelled like one, but this high up the window was suicide-proof and
opened only a crack.   He leaned into the space, letting the wind slide over his skin, which felt dry
and tight.   Drained.   The mini bar had orange juice, expensive Euro-shit with an umlaut in the
unpronounceable name.   It tasted too sweet and looked too dark, like someone had mixed in
blood.   His stomach danced and he switched to bottled water so cold it punched his gut, made his
teeth ache.   Then he made two phones calls.   The second was to Miriam, and he let her rant
awhile before he hung up, then went looking for the knapsack.   He was back at the window when
the bathroom door opened, wafting in a lemony mist.   

A flutter of cloth as the guy got dressed, then a rustle as he pocketed the money.   Then:   "That
was great.   Any time you want to do it again, I'm yours.   Ask for Rafe, short for Raphael.   Like
the archangel."

"I'm an atheist," Lex said.   

"Too bad.   Believers get a discount."    

"Didn't Raphael pretend to be someone he wasn't?"

"All for a good cause.   He also cured Tobias' blindness, so it balanced out in the end."

Lex caught the grin right before the door swept shut.  

___

He didn't see the air change, but somewhere along the highway the city's raw grey smell faded,
turned into earth softened by melted snow.   The temperature shot up, like Smallville was running
a fever.   Too early for real spring, although on the radio the voice of WJSV promised another
week of it.   It was offensive somehow, the heat and the confused flowers by the roadside.  
Couldn't anything in Smallville work right?  In protest, Lex rolled up the windows and turned the
air conditioner on high.  Point of pride that he didn't turn onto the road leading to the Kent farm,
although the cows in the field were unimpressed.   As he drove ahead to the LuthorCorp plant,
Lex decided to have a hamburger for dinner.   

For the site of his exile, the plant looked remarkably tame.   No fiery river or Tartarian pit, not
even a three-headed dog, just lots of tame slabs of concrete, with echoes of Virgil only in the gate. 
 Well, and in his father, Tisiphone without the scourge.   But he was in Tokyo, and Lex officially
ran this crap factory, so in he went, too wrinkled for anywhere but a fertilizer plant in the sticks
where high fashion meant Sears instead of Wal-Mart.   

Gabe Sullivan was at mission control, playing Picard to Jeff McNeil's Riker.   Horses pranced
across his tie, the cartoon kind with oversized teeth, and Gabe absently petted them as he spoke.  
"I don't think Mr. Luthor would approve.   Remember, it's crap first, life later."

"What wouldn't I approve of?"

"Mr. Luthor.   Didn't see you there.   Jeff here's got pie on the brain, and not the kind you might
think.   Apple.  Blueberry.  Cherry."

"He's in a pie-eating contest?"  

"It's the annual bazaar at one of the local churches.  There are games for the kids, a raffle, that
kind of thing.   Big deal in our little town.   All the ladies bake up a storm and the money goes to
the kids' ward at the hospital.    Even Chloe tried her hand this year, although I don't think
there's much call for charred Rice Krispie squares.   Got to say they weren't half bad once I
scraped the bottoms."

"Your daughter's also the source of that interesting tie?"

"Last year's Father's Day gift.   Her idea of a joke, but I wear it just to see her roll her eyes."  
Gabe winked.   "You should see the one Jeff Jr. gave his dad.   Glow-in-the-dark frogs.   ‘Cos
Jeff likes his fishing."

"Did your wife bake anything, Jeff?"  The conversation felt surreal, like Lex had been transported
to Mayberry.  

"Sure did, Mr. Luthor.   Stella's been in the kitchen ‘til all hours every night, but she won't let me
touch a thing.   And she makes a mean brownie.   Still, I've been dreaming about Martha Kent's
apple brown betty."

"When does this culinary extravaganza start?   I mean, when do the doors open for business?"

"Five pm on the nose.   Can't start too late or the kids will get cranky."

"Why don't we close at four and give everyone here an edge on the competition?"

"That's very generous of you, Mr. Luthor," Jeff said.   "I can taste that apple brown betty
already."

"Don't taste anything else or Jonathan Kent will be after you with a pitchfork.   But Jeff's right:  
this is a good morale booster for the troops."   

Caesar had his Praetorians; Lex had an army of hungry shit processors.   His father would snicker,
but with Jeff's meaty face hunkered in a grin and Gabe showing more teeth than his equine
parade, Lex didn't care.   "Great.   Make the announcement, then we'll go over those figures."  
When he and Gabe were alone, he asked, "Have we contributed anything to the raffle?"

"No.   Your father...Well, he wasn't big on community service."

"How about a helicopter ride for two over Smallville?"   A nice irony, given his father's penchant
for swooping down on the city in one.   Deus ex machina.

"That would be great."  

"You let them know, and I'll set it up."

If only life always worked that easily.

___ 

The third jaw-cracking yawn reminded Lex that he wasn't fifteen anymore.   Marie, Gabe's
secretary, kept bringing him coffee in a cat-covered mug with an inscribed handle that read: "Cats
sleep anywhere--they don't care."   Lex checked for irony behind the funky red frames and saw
only curiosity and blue eyeshadow.   When she thought he wasn't looking, Marie studied his skull
and dark purple shirt, doubtless taking notes for the next bridge club meeting. A few years ago, he
might've baited her, but now found himself in the odd position of wanting her to like him.  When
he complimented her coffee, which was too sweet and light, she blushed under the round pink
patches carefully drawn on her cheeks.   

"Thanks, Mr. Luthor.   I'm glad you like it.   And thanks, too, " she added in a rush, "for letting
us go early.   Gives me time to pick up my kids at daycare and get to the church on time, like in
that old song."

Lex smiled and felt like an alien.   Daycare, kids, church.   She could be a closet dominatrix, and
her life would stay galaxies from his.   Even though his heart zipped along on the caffeine
highway, he accepted another cup of coffee just for letting him in.   His own mother never picked
him up from daycare; he'd had a private tutor until private school, then the chauffeur had ferried
him back and forth.   She'd never had a mug painted with cats, preferring brittle china cups filled
with Earl Grey.   

One time he asked for a sip, and she blew on the tea to cool it, pursing lips only slightly darker
than the cup; she must have been dying even then.   As she leaned forward, stroking his hair--it
was that long ago--her cross swung, catching the light.   In that low, tired voice, she said, "Just a
little one.   It's full of Mommy's medicine, and I don't want you to get a headache.   Don't tell
Daddy or he'll be mad."   Afterward, she gave him one of the peppermints she was always
sucking to calm her stomach.   He realized years later that the rough taste under the bergamot
came from very old, very expensive Scotch.  

"You going to put in an appearance tonight, Lex?  See how the other half lives?"  Gabe leaned
back in his chair, making the springs squeak, and rubbed his neck.  

"How could I miss the social event of the season?"   He stood up and smoothed his jacket. 
"Where is it, exactly?"

"Big old church on Oak, off Lennox.   Can't miss it.   Has a tall bell tower topped with a cross."

"The one with the soup kitchen in the basement."   He remembered the flyers now, pink sheets of
paper with bold print.

"Right.   Used to be Catholic back in my grandfather's day, but it's Anglican now.   Holy Trinity.  
All the action takes place in the basement.   It's not a night out at the opera, but the pies are darn
good.   Avoid the Rice Krispie squares, and you'll be fine."

"I'll remember that," he said, blinking away the dream.   

The headache started on the way home, the one his mother warned about.   The aggressive sun hit
the road at all the wrong angles, blasting up into his eyes even past his sunglasses, while the
caffeine migrated through his veins, leaving him twitchy and irritated with his teeth clenched and
his hands shaking under the driving gloves.   He made it home in record time, all squealing tires
and startled pedestrians, and grabbed an apple before heading upstairs.   Still a few hours left
before Operation Woo the Public, so he grabbed a quick shower, popped one of the purple pills
from the bottle neatly labeled Triazolam, and crashed.   

The last thing Lex saw before his eyes closed:   the second volume of the Nicodemus chronicles.

___

The church reeks of incense and old death.   No one is ever born here, just laid out to rot like the
man who died of the flux last week.   Since it's symbolic, baptism doesn't count, and in any case
leaves no smell.   Nothing is real in here; everything points to something else.   The order of this
used to please him, the complication of it.   Now the disconnection disturbs him; it's like living in
a dream.   If bread's a body, it shouldn't be flat and dry like pages in a book, leaving you hungry.   

When the door opens behind him, he turns, expecting God and a lecture on blasphemy.   The nave
is narrow, the pews flanked by thin columns that form arches like inverted smiles.   Light falls
through lancet windows, showing clouds of dust and ash, drawing saints' faces on the floor.  
"You."

"You dropped this."   The book is in Clark's hand, the pages a little fat from wet grass.   His
muddy black boots clap against the tiles as he walks to the altar.   A statue rises behind him,
Raphael with his wings extended.  

"You didn't have to bring it."

"I know, but I figured you'd miss it."

"Not really.   I'm tired of writing."

"How come?"

"It never goes anywhere."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Why do you always ask so many questions?"

"Because you'll never tell me anything if I don't."   His arm brushes against Lex's as he puts the
book on the altar.   "I know this is wrong, but I read some of it.   Well, all of it.   I liked the notes
for your next sermon, about King David and Jonathan, where you wrote about how much David
loves him.   About them kissing."

"You shouldn't have done that."   

"I know.   But I'm glad I did.   Because I wasn't sure before, but I am now."

Lex doesn't have to ask about what.   It's written all over his face, like a page in the diary.   "It's
just a story.   It doesn't mean anything."   He shakes his head, trying to wake up.   "You're not
real.   None of this is real."

"Of course I am.   Feel."   He takes Lex's hand and puts it on his heart, holds it there.

"This is wrong."

"Not if you love me."

The anger rushes up, and Lex pushes him back against the altar, kissing him hard.   His hands go
everywhere, and when he feels the stiff cock, it gets worse, makes him blind and stupid and
desperate, pulling off Clark's clothes, licking and biting him all over his smooth, warm skin.   He's
touched back until Lex grabs Clark's wrists and pins his hands behind his back.   "I'll show you
what this is about."   The floor's under his knees, blackened by his robe, and his mouth is
suddenly full, so full he almost chokes.   He starts to suck, forgetting to hold Clark's hands, and
they fall softly on his skull.   Sounds fall too, moans that don't belong in a church, his name, and
he sucks harder, gorging himself.   

This is supposed to be a lesson, but his body's not listening, his cock stiff under the cloth.   He's
too hungry and keeps going until the flood comes, a hot, salty river down his throat.   Even when
it's over he can't let go, not full enough, even hits at Clark's hands when he tries to pull him up.  
He's dragged to his feet, still swallowing, running his tongue over his lips for traces, then placed
with the altar at his back.   By the time he says "No, don't," it's too late: his black robe is hiked
and his cock is sliding into Clark's mouth.   "Jesus."   

It's sin and hell and falling from an unsteady cloud, but he stands there letting it happen,
supported only by the altar, the hands on his hips, the mouth around him.   The biggest mistake is
watching, seeing Clark staring up at him, the worship in his eyes that's repeated in the tongue
moving over his skin.   A clatter behind him as the monstrance topples onto the floor, and the
silver candlesticks go next as he rocks against the altar, shouting like he's dying or delivering a
mass.   A voice in his head whispers that he's weak, that he'll never be good, that his life isn't a
lie but a mistake.   If it didn't feel so good he'd kill himself right there, but he can't, caught by
Clark's eyes and tongue.   

There's a second flood, and it's like he's being ripped into strips.    And already he wants it to
happen again. 

___

Lex woke up half on the floor, half on the bed, the mattress pressing into his back.   His stomach
and cock glistened with come, and the room seemed too quiet, like a shout had suddenly stopped. 
 No one should have a Catholic mother and a Nietzschian father; it turned guilt into an obligation
and a crime.  

The alarm went off suddenly, though he swore he hadn't set it, a blare of jazz that startled him
down onto the carpet.   Charlie Parker, who played music with angels even before he drank
himself upstairs.   Smoke, midnight, short skirts and gin.   God, he needed that, not crazy dreams
that felt like memories.   The music picked him up, carried him into the bathroom, and he puked
up last night's vodka.   

He brushed his teeth in the shower, water flagellation-hot, and spit Crest into the drain, tempted
to follow it down.  Afterward, the towel bought for softness scraped his skin, and even the silk of
his shirt hurt like broken glass.   He'd tried that once when he was fifteen and feeling dramatic,
with a chalk-colored line on his right wrist to prove it.   Sometimes it seemed the wound had
never closed, that things leaked out no matter how hard he tried to keep them in.  

Outside the sun had fallen and the sky was the color of coffee.   He drove with the radio blasting,
never fast enough, and slowed only when the bell tower loomed ahead.   Groups of people walked
along the path beside the church: Marie and a tall man made taller by the pig-tailed daughter
riding his shoulders, the lipstick librarian holding hands with a woman who could've been her
twin.   A cluster of kids burst through the front doors to run shrieking down the steps, the first
one clutching a handful of balloons, while a few men stood together under a tree off the sidewalk,
their cigarettes poking orange holes in the black air.    

The street was jammed with cars, forcing him to park several blocks away.   Walking back, he
ended up behind a pack of thirteen-year old girls, who turned periodically to stare before breaking
into high-pitched giggles.   Vultures had nothing on teenaged girls; they'd pick his bones if he let
them close enough.   The thought struck that his father wasn't any different.   Most people were,
if you got close enough, and he refused to think about the exception.   Tonight wasn't about
Clark; Lex was only here to play benign overlord.   

As he neared the church, people began to acknowledge him without giggling, a combination of
polite nods and "Evening, Mr. Luthor."   No one appeared terribly enthusiastic except for a small
boy with a chocolate-stained mouth who ran up to him, hugged his leg, then took off.   

"He's in a very affectionate phase," the embarrassed mother said.   "Sorry about that, Mr. Luthor. 
 I hope he didn't get your pants dirty."  

"Cute kid.   And I'm good."   He gave her smile, a real one so rusty it probably looked fake, and
thought how pathetic it was to feel comforted by a hug from a hyper five-year old.  

This close, the church always seemed bigger than he expected, most of the tower swallowed by
the dark.   A few bulbs strung along the side brightened the path, and he followed the crowd to
the back doors, then headed down the wide stairs.   Inside was chaos:   clutter of people, kids
running with more balloons, tables lining the walls, each heavy with trays of food and garage sale
junk.  

"Want to buy a raffle ticket, Mr. Luthor?"   This from Jane, a tiny woman with carefully-starched
grey hair.   She had a roll of tickets in front of her beside an open metal cashbox, a can of diet
coke, and a hand-lettered sign announcing the cost of the tickets: two dollars for one, five dollars
for three, ten dollars for eight.

"What can I win?"  

"Some great prizes this year.   We have the usual double passes to the Odeon, dinner for two at
Al's Steak House, then some great anonymous ones: ten donations of a thousand dollars each to
the Children's Hospital and The Heart and Stroke Foundation."   She winked at him.   "And of
course a helicopter ride for two over Smallville, thanks to LuthorCorp."

"Right.   You can thank Gabe Sullivan for that."   He pulled out his wallet and handed her a
twenty.  "I'll take fifteen.  And keep the change."

She tore off a strip, helped by nails the color of cat's tongue.   "Guess that's your lucky number.  
Here you go."

Everyone was eating, and Lex's empty stomach rumbled.   A booth to his right advertised
sandwiches, and he bought a ham and Swiss on sourdough dabbed with bright yellow mustard.  
World conquest should taste so good, and he chewed slowly as he wandered through the room.  
Nell had a table stacked with bunches of dried flowers, and he walked over to her, wiping his
mouth with a paper napkin.

"Hi, Lex.   I didn't expect to see you here."

"Just checking out the local culture."

"It's marginally better than a hoe down, but only marginally."  

"So why are you here?"

"Free advertising."   She nodded to the sign for her flower shop attached to the wall at her back.   

"Is Lana here?"

"She is.   She's supposed to be helping me, but she's off with her friends."

A young couple interrupted them, and Lex drifted away.   A flash of red, and he bee-lined toward
it.   Martha was cutting a slice of blueberry pie for a stooped man with a cane, chatting with him
about his sick wife.   When he left, she saw Lex and smiled.   "You just missed Clark.   He went
off somewhere with Pete and the others."

"I'm here for a piece of your famous pie."   

"Any kind in particular?"

"I'll let you decide.   Where's Mr. Kent?"

"He's huddled in a corner somewhere with a few of the local farmers, talking shop.   He pretends
he hates all of this, but I always have to drag him away."   She handed him a piece of apple pie on
a white cardboard plate, adding a plastic fork.   "How's work?   Clark mentioned you were busy
finishing up a project."

For a second he forgot about endings, jolted with the secret pleasure that Clark talked about him
to his mother.   Too bad the world wasn't wired for happy endings.   That he wasn't.   "I'm tying
up a few loose ends."

"When it's done you'll have something you can be proud of."

"Yeah.   Battle scars."   He cracked a smile, sincere as he could fake.   

A waste of energy, with Martha turning away to the next customer.   "Enjoy the pie, Lex."

"Can you give these to Clark when you see them?"  He handed her the raffle tickets.   "Chloe
asked me to hold them, then disappeared."

After that, he wandered again.   The pie tasted of nutmeg and carried memories.   To entertain
him as a little kid, his parents' housekeeper, Hilde, had opened every jar of spice in the house and
let him have a taste or a sniff.   Nutmeg had been his favorite, less for the taste and texture--sand
on his tongue--than for the smell.   Later, he realized it was like putting your face between
someone's thighs for the first time and breathing in.   As a kid, breathing deeply used to scare
him, the result of long asthmatic nights.   The fear lingered: crowds stole his air.   No panic, just a
pressure in his chest, and he walked through the doorway on the far right wall.   Black-railed
stairs wound up, and for each step the texture of the space changed, forward became backward,
like being lost in an Escher woodcut.   The top step saw him winded, although he ran miles on the
treadmill without breaking a sweat.  

The church had a narrow nave, the pews flanked by thin columns that formed arches like inverted
smiles.   A niche held the altar, and while the angel was gone, the pedestal still stood.   A bowl of
tired yellow flowers rested on top, the ones with faces like starfish; he'd dreamed them in a ditch.  
Deja vu was a mistake in the cognitive process, an overly-slow transference of information.   All
emotions were simply glitches in the cerebral hardware, constructing patterns from nothing.   

All of this--the dream, the recognition, the almost-over obsession with Clark--was caused by the
accident.   He'd hit his head when his car went over the bridge, triggering all sorts of shit, and the
second bump the other night when Clark shoved him only made it worse.   He'd made a mistake
in the hotel room:  he didn't need to get laid--he needed a CAT scan.   Infatuation as brain
damage.   

He went to the altar because dreams were lies and fear was weakness.   His father hit him once,
after Lex's mother died.   Lex had been going through her drawers looking for peppermints,
crying as he plunged his fingers into silk.   A sound behind him, and his father's hand cracked
against his face.   He stood there, staring, tasting the blood from his split lip.   ‘Time to be a man. 
Can't hide behind her skirts anymore.   It's you and me, Lex, to the death.'   Lionel believed in
Caesarian comfort, where nothing mattered until blood spilled.  

The light from the candles didn't penetrate the niche, and he moved deeper inside it, touching the
wall to his right, wood so old and smooth it felt like flayed skin.   That's how his felt after the
meteor-rape in the cornfield, naked and exposed.   The return to Smallville years later brought it
all back, everyone always watching, waiting for him to screw up.   Ironic that he'd actually been
helping the town, kick-starting the economy, not to mention the Herculean task of not seducing
the hero.   If anything, they should give him a plaque:  I revived Smallville, didn't fuck Clark
Kent, and all I got was this lousy reputation.  

He needed to get out of here, head home to Halcion, bed, a drink.   His stomach was twisting into
a Gordian knot, the only thing alive in this House of Nothing, and the waiting was going nowhere. 
 What did he think, that Clark would show up so they could act out his dream, and give Lex some
guilt-free satisfaction?   Now there was a defense:  ‘Sorry, Martha, Jonathan.   I didn't mean to
blow your son in the church.   See, I had this crazy dream and...'

At a sound, Lex turned to stare down the church's long throat.   But Fate didn't understand wish
fulfillment, so Clark wasn't there walking toward him.   No one was there, not at first:  just
voices, and he backed into the shadows.   Getting caught alone with a hard-on in a church
wouldn't enhance his reputation.   Besides, the voices were familiar, and he could spy on Clark in
his natural habitat.  Not ethical, but habit-forming.

"Thanks for saving me, guys."   Chloe collapsed into one of the pews, Pete moving beside her,
Clark sliding onto the bench behind them, tall enough that his face was easily visible over Chloe's
messy blond head.   "I can only take so much. If I had to hear my dad tell the world about my
Rice Krispie nightmare one more time, I'd be the one going snap, crackle, pop."

Pete swiveled toward her.   "Is it true you set the kitchen on fire?"

"Don't start or I'll be forced to remind you of the Great Chemistry Accident of ‘98."

"At least that didn't have exploding marshmallows," Pete said, snickering.

She threw up her hands, black stains from ink cartridges on the tips of her fingers.   "What kind of
marshmallows explode in the heat?  I'm still picking fluffy white bits from my hair."

"You can always write an expose: ‘Girl Attacked By Mutant Marshmallows.   Company Denies
all Responsibility, Blaming It On Bad Baking Skills.'"

"Pete, you're about as funny as my dad's Smoky the Bear impersonation.   Where's the
sympathy?  That's what I want to know, after I nearly went all Joan of Arc."

"You'd need a cause first," Pete told her.   "Our Lady of Perpetual Kitchen Disasters doesn't
have the right ring to it."

Her snort was loud and emphatic.   "Gotta love the wit of a teenaged boy wired on sugar.   Just
how many pieces of Mrs. Kent's pie did you have?"

"Two apple and a blueberry.   Maybe she could give you lessons, Chloe."

"Clark," she said over her shoulder, flapping her hand in his face, "snap out of the trance and start
defending my honor."

"He's just mad because his favorite bald stalker's not here."

Lex's stomach, slowly unknotting during the conversation, pulled tight.   Is that what they
thought of him?   And Chloe thought she wanted her honor defended.

Clark, who'd been looking quietly around the church, glanced at his friend.   From his dark
recess, Lex could see the sudden shift as Clark remembered to play the game of normal.   "Shut
up, Pete, or I'll make you eat some of Chloe's cooking."   

Not exactly a duel to the death, but Lex started to breathe again.

"I'd like to see you do better, Betty Crocker."   Chloe had apparently decided to fight her own
battles.   "Just because I've got two X chromosomes doesn't mean I'm genetically programmed
for culinary brilliance.  I have better things to do with my time than practice for the Pillsbury
bake-off."

"And we're all grateful for that, Chloe."

"You know, Pete, if you weren't one of my best friends I'd get on the PA system and tell
everyone exactly why your stuffed water buffalo's so special to you."

"Then I'd have to share the pictures of last summer's home perm."

Chloe hadn't given up.   "Clark, feel free to leave Planet Zone-Out and join us back here on
earth."

"Yeah, Clark.   What gives?   Your old friends not good enough for you?   Maybe I should shave
my head."

"Sorry, guys.  It's this place.   It feels weird in here, like somebody died."

"It's a church," Pete said.   "They always feel like that."

"I guess.   Maybe it's because it's empty."

"Hey, you reminded me:  when I was doing research for that ‘Our Town' history project last year,
rooting through old editions of The Ledger on microfilm, I remember seeing a couple of articles
on this place.   I can't remember the details, only that there was some scandal, and someone
might've died, and that's why the church is Anglican now, not Catholic."

"You're saying this place is haunted?"  Pete laughed, then stopped short as the sound bounced off
the walls.  "You see weirdness everywhere, Chloe.   Next you'll be telling us that Santa Claus is
really an alien and Rudolph's his lieutenant in an army set to invade Earth."

"No one that jolly can be good.  It's not natural."

"Clark, is this girl whacked or what?"  Pete ducked when she swung at him.   "Look, there's no
such things as ghosts."

"Right.   Just like there's no such thing as fat-sucking vampires or single white shape-shifters.  
Smallville's like Sunnydale without the cool clothes.   Well, except for Lex."

"Don't tell me you're defecting to the bald side of the Force, too."

"I'm only saying he knows how to dress.   I wasn't offering to bear his love child.   Not that he'd
want me," she added, glancing back at Clark.   "I'm not tall, dark and heroic enough for him."

"You'd have to move to a farm, then blush a lot whenever his name comes up."

"Very funny," Clark said.   "You should take your routine on the road."

"I think we hit a sensitive spot, Pete.   Could there be trouble in paradise?"

"Maybe Clark's starting to realize who Lex really is.   I never bought his innocent act over the
whole Nicodemus flower thing.   You can't trust that guy."

"Even you have to admit, Clark, it was suspicious how Dr. Hamilton disappeared like that.   He
had a lot of new equipment in his lab, plus it had to cost a bundle to pack it all up and move it so
fast.   Big bucks points in one direction in this town."

"Look, if it makes you guys feel any better, after Sunday I don't think Lex will be hanging around
with us anymore."

"All right!" Pete crowed.   "You're finally shaking off the Bald One's spell.   Welcome back,
Clark.   Glad you still know who your true friends are."

"Have to agree with Pete on this one, Clark.   Lex is like one of those guys in the Bible who's
cursed forever.  He shows up, and plagues happen.   It's not like he's a bad guy, more like a
magnet for the big bad."

"He did save you guys when Earl Jenkins went commando and took everyone hostage at the
LuthorCorp plant."

"That was Lex's fault in the first place," Pete said.   "All he had to do was admit he knew about
Level Three and the experiments, and Earl would've backed off."

"He said he didn't know about that, about what was going on there."

"You believe in the Tooth Fairy too, Clark?   Come on.  The guy's like his dad: out to make the
big bucks no matter what."

"Don't get me started on the Tooth Fairy, Pete," Clark said.  "I'm not the one who knocked out
my front tooth with a rock so I could get money for new Hot Wheels."

"No, you're the one who stares through a telescope every night hoping the mother ship will land." 

"Can I interrupt this testosterone fest for a minute?"  Chloe tapped the face of her watch. 

"They're going to be drawing the raffle number pretty soon, and I want to win that helicopter
ride.   Think what you can see when people don't know someone's watching."   She put her hand
on Pete's shoulder, urging him up.

Clark got to his feet.   "I think they call that spying."

"It's all in the interest of exposing the truth.   Besides, Mr. Telescope, you're not one to talk."

"Forget about exposing truth.   If I win, I'm flying over Angela's house to see what she's
exposing."   Pete took a few running steps to keep out of Chloe's reach. 

"Remind me to keep my bedroom curtains closed at all times.   I think every guy in Smallville's a
peeping Tom."

"You'd change your mind if it was Justin Gaines up in the helicopter."

"Remind me again why I'm friends with you?"   

Pete's response was lost as he and Chloe headed downstairs.   Clark paused on the way out, one
hand on the doorframe, and looked back into the church.   His face looked young and open, and
Lex thought how stupid it was to stay hidden, trapped in this third-rate production of Hamlet, not
even one of the cool characters but that old pompous fart Polonius.   ‘Dead for a ducat, dead.'  
At least Clark had no sword. 

Lex swore he didn't make a sound, but Clark shifted, and for several long seconds it seemed like
he was looking straight at him.   Impossible, because of the darkness and the distance, but Lex
started to sweat in itchy trickles down his spine.   He closed his eyes, and when he opened them,
not hopefully, Clark was gone.

The urge to play lord of the manor had long since died, and there was nothing left to do but head
home.

___

The candles draw monsters on the church wall.   Lex studies one, the horned skull, the forked tail,
the lewd grin.   It's like looking in a mirror.   

"Of all the ways to ruin your life, you chose this?"   The bishop is in red and white, and his hair is
too long.  

"What are you talking about?  You sent me here."

"To prove yourself, not practice sodomy."

Hiding the panic, he studies the bishop's face to see what he knows.   Everything, it seems.  
"You were watching?"

"Hard to miss when you're on your knees at the altar in a disgusting parody of communion."

"I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"Understand?  That you're abusing yourself and that boy?  That you're a disgrace to me, to
yourself, to the Church?  And if you mention love, I'll excommunicate you right here."

"Why don't you do it?   You've been threatening to forever.   Do it and get it out of the way."

"Much as you deserve to join the other sodomites in hell, that would be too easy.   No, I have
another solution to your problem: you're coming back with me.   You'll work in my household,
help me build the Church back to its former glory.   This place was all wrong for you; you never
fit in."

"What if I want to stay here?"

"If you do, I'll tell everyone.   I'll go to the boy's parents and tell them what you did.   They'll
hate you.  He'll hate you.   You don't belong here, Lex," he added, his voice soft and oily as
candle wax.   "You're a powerful speaker; you'll go far, with the right guidance."

"It doesn't sound like I have a choice."

"You always have a choice.   This time, make the right one."

___

Saturday night at the Talon.   What could be more exciting?   Just Lex, a small ex-forest of paper,
a Mont Blanc Classique, his laptop, and a nearly-finished tall cappuccino.   He'd almost ordered
that horror of horrors, decaf, to lure the sleep gods back into Luthor Manor, but had actually
started to enjoy the unreality that came with little sleep.   Even the tricks his eyes kept throwing
were amusing in a Daliesque way.   The coffee shop, with its faux-Egyptian motif, morphed with
every blink into a different site from an Egyptian travelogue: right now, with the coffee traveling
down his throat, Lex was floating down the Nile on Cleopatra's barge.

And here she was herself, with her black bob and Liz Taylor eyeliner.  "Can I get you another
one?"

"Please," he said, and offered his mug.   When the waitress returned, this time looking more like a
cat-faced goddess in her tabby-colored t-shirt, Lex added, "I figured the heat wave would bring
everyone out in force." 

"Everyone's chilling out at the Odeon watching the new Tom Cruise movie," she said with
Bastet-like complacency.   "It'll pick up when the seven o'clock show lets out.  In the meantime,
enjoy the quiet.   Oh, and if you're looking for Clark, I don't think he'll be in.   He came by for a
quick coffee this afternoon between deliveries, and he said something about working late on a
broken fence.   Glad I don't live on a farm."   She flashed him a feline, tip-me-big smile, then
sauntered back to the counter, her Nikes shuffling like paws against the tiles. 

Okay, back up a minute.   He hadn't said anything about Clark, had deliberately not eyed the door
every ten minutes, was loaded with work, and looked admirably busy planning the future of
Smallville's one and only crap factory.   Was it waitress' intuition, or was he really that
transparent?   Sometimes Lex really hated Smallville.   

He deliberately sipped his coffee to prove he was cool and not in any hurry to leave the Temple of
Luxor.   Shuffled some papers, too, and adopted his best serious work face.   Fifteen minutes
later, he yawned loudly, stretched his arms until bones cracked, left a large tip to show no points
had been scored, then packed everything up.   If tomorrow was D-Day, the least he deserved was
one last night with Clark where they both pretended to be honestly happy.   

With the Talon out of sight, Lex hit the gas and drove like the road was a bridge.   This wasn't
hard, with a system running on caffeine and broken sleep.   Everything drifted by in a blur, less
clear than his Freud-ready dreams but with the same sense of dislocation, like Smallville was the
third point of the Bermuda Triangle.   Occasionally his sleep-deprived brain, stuck in hyper-drive,
tossed him more surreal images: the lightning-scarred tree at the corner of Maple turned into an
angry troll, waving huge leafy arms; the Shell sign became the head of a Mayan king; and the
water tower off the highway looked uncannily like Father Browning, his third-grade Latin teacher. 

The radio didn't ground him.   Songs blended together until it sounded like Iggy Pop doing Celine
Dion, manic vocals with lyrics about eternal love.   Lex switched it off.   The Kents' farm was
ahead, the house with its single porch light a cyclopic canary, and he pulled over to the side of the
road near the field that stood empty except for invisible cows lowing softly at the moon.   

Except--

Lex opened the car, then stood looking over the roof, squinting into the dark, trying to make his
eyes behave.   Under the moon-happy cows, another sound drifted over the grass, a regular
thunkthunkthunk, and an occasional whirr of white that could've been Clark, if he'd turned into
the Flash.   Apparently the Kents' field was haunted.  Or maybe it was a giant moth or a mutant
seagull; anything was possible in Smallville.   When he shut the car door, preparing to investigate,
the white rush stopped then slowly moved toward him.   It grew long legs, strong arms, a torso
covered in a white t-shirt, and a handsome, wide-eyed face.   

"Clark."

"You were expecting someone else?"   The grin showed teeth white as his shirt.  

"Just hallucinating.   Nothing new these days."

"What did you see?"

"Let's just say I was wondering how to perform an exorcism."

"I didn't know you believed in ghosts."

"Neither did I."

Look, I'm finished out here.   Want to come into the loft for awhile?   You'll ruin your shoes
standing out in the grass."

"Good idea.   I've had enough of nature for one night, what with giant moths and mutant
seagulls."   They moved onto the lane hugging the side of the field.   

"Are you okay?  You're seriously babbling.   I didn't know that Lex Luthor did babbling."

"I'm a man of infinite mystery."  

Clark looked at him over his shoulder.   "You're in a good mood."

"More like beyond any mood."

"Lex, what's going on?"

"Don't worry.   I haven't started mainlining whatever passes for drugs around here.   It's sleep-
deprivation."

"Because of that project you've been working on?"

"Yes, my project."   He glanced at his project's long legs in the faded jeans.   "But it'll be over on
Sunday.   Life will get back to normal.   As normal as it's ever been, anyway.   Sometimes I
wonder if I even know what normal is." 

"You're not working on Sunday, are you?   Because that's when I'm supposed to come over.  
So we can talk."

"I remember."   What would it be like to talk to Clark without sidestepping the truth?  Like his
dreams: messy.   A mistake to think about them, the look on Clark's face when Lex sucked his
cock for the first time, the noises he made--   

"Did you say something?"

"I was wondering what your parents are doing."   

"Probably reading in bed.   Maybe asleep already.   The coast is clear."   

He turned on a light and headed upstairs to the loft, Lex behind him, watching.   Clark wasn't
sweating, not even in the warm night, after whatever the hell he'd been doing in the field.   Lex's
shirt felt damp, too tight against his back, and he wondered if Clark's skin was slick and wet
under his clothes.   As Lex sat on the couch, Clark at his side, it occurred to him that Clark hadn't
asked why he was here, that Clark never did.   This relationship made and broke rules like none
he'd ever had.   No wonder he kept coming back.

"I heard you showed up at the bazaar," Clark said.   "I looked for you, but I guess you didn't stay
long.   Smallville overload?"

"Sometimes this town's better in small doses."

"It's not a good place if you have anything to hide."

"I'll keep that in mind."   

"I didn't mean...Hey, guess what?"

"What?"

"I won the helicopter ride.   First time I've won anything."

"If you wanted a ride in a helicopter, you could've told me.   I would've arranged it."

"You've done enough for me, Lex.   Sometimes I feel like I'm taking advantage of you." 

That stopped him, the image of Clark leaning over and doing just that, while Lex lay there on this
lumpy red and blue striped couch, letting it happen.   "I like to give things to my friends."   All
one of them.   "Especially the ones who save me."

"Lex, I saved you months ago.   You've paid me back, like, a hundred times.   You don't owe me
anything anymore.  Maybe Dad was right: you didn't owe me anything from the start.   There was
an accident, I was there.   End of story.  Stop trying to make me into something I'm not.   I'm
just a normal guy with a good sense of timing."

"It's not that simple, Clark.   It's--"

"The thing you're not getting is that it is simple.   Someone's in trouble, and I help them out, like
you did when Earl took everyone hostage.   There wasn't time to plan--you did what had to be
done.   If you're here because you think you owe me, then maybe you shouldn't be here at all."

Lex was aware, in an underwater and drowning sort of way, that he was going to kiss Clark,
alarmist chorus in his head or not.  He was too damn tired to fight it anymore, not with Clark
flushed, a little angry, and halfway to sending him back to Metropolis with his tail between his
legs.   One selfish kiss, a reward for months of restraint, for all the effort he's made to be new and
improved.   Clark would survive.   

The couch creaked as he shifted, a spring pressed into his thigh, and Clark's mouth went soft and
open, startled and--

"What's going on in here?"   For a big guy, Jonathan Kent climbed stairs like a cat.   Standing in
front of them, he looked like the Maple-Street troll, huge and very pissed off.   "Clark, go to your
room."

"Dad, I'm not a kid.   Lex and I were just talking, and--"

"I said go to your room."

"Maybe you should do what your father says, Clark."   He got up, brushing bits of hay from his
pants. 

"Lex, I don't need your help enforcing my rules.   Clark, I'm telling you to get out of here.   I
want to talk to Lex alone."

"Dad, you don't understand--"   He was on his feet, taller than his father.

"I understand a lot more than you do.   I'm not telling you again.   You live under my roof and
you follow my rules.  Now go."

"Clark, listen to him."   The last thing he needed was Clark hearing the "You're a depraved
pervert, Lex" speech.   "It's okay."

"Are you sure?"   He kept looking from his dad to Lex, proof that saving was an instinct with
him.

Lex nodded.   "Go to bed."

"Don't forget about--"

"Good night, Clark."   

When the slow clunk of his steps faded, Jonathan faced Lex.   "I should've said this a long time
ago.   I let Martha convince me that this was an innocent friendship, that your intentions
weren't...what they are."

"If it's any consolation, nothing has ever happened.   He doesn't know, and I don't want him to.  
Tonight was a mistake."

"A pretty goddamn big mistake.   He's only a kid, Lex.   You can't use him the way you use
everyone else.   I won't let you."

His first reaction--‘I'm using him differently from anyone else'--didn't make a very good defense.  
"Don't worry, Mr. Kent.  I'm going to Tokyo tomorrow, then back to Metropolis.   I won't be
around much after that.   Your son's virtue is safe."

"Don't turn this into a joke.   This isn't about sex.   The truth is, you're not good for him.   Not
good enough for him.   You're only going to hurt him, and I won't stand for it."

"You're not telling me anything I don't know."

"I don't give a damn what you know.   It's actions that matter.   Leave him the hell alone."

"The thing is, Mr. Kent, you have nothing to worry about.   Clark's come to his senses on his
own.   This was only--"

"I know what this was.   Stay away from my son, Lex."

Lex left before Jonathan took out his shotgun or starting quoting lines straight from High Noon. 
Really, it was all too funny, and if he wasn't laughing, that was only because defeat beat out irony.

His father wouldn't be impressed.

___

The whispers are like cat scratches.   He can't make out the words, only feel the thin red stings,
see their lips moving through the gaps between their fingers.   The sun hits him through the
window, and there's nowhere to hide. He failed, and they all know it, or think they do.   Everyone
but Clark, sitting in the front row, smiling and dangerously oblivious, waiting to hear about David
and Jonathan, about love and tolerance.   No one should ever be that innocent; he's a wound
waiting to happen.   

Lex takes a deep breath, so deep it hurts, and starts to speak.   Clark's face doesn't break at once;
even now he gives Lex the chance to change direction, thinking that a sermon beginning with sin
and sodomy will become something else.   When it doesn't, the disintegration finally starts, the
smile wavering then fading, and Lex keeps going, his voice loud and angry as he lies.   And even
with his hands clenched around the pulpit's edge, even after Clark has left the church, Lex feels
like he's falling.

When the sermon's over, he leaves, walking until the gullet of the street narrows, past the grass
growing in the ditches that now run beside it, past spiky yellow flowers drooping in the heat.  
Sweat travels down his spine, and the robe's rough cloth scratches his skin.  No more wooden
sidewalks, and the houses are a memory.   The road is grooved from wagon wheels, until it splits
in two at an arrow-shaped sign.   The city is to the left, but he heads right toward the river, which
glints silvery green.   

Despite the sun, the water's cold, but he keeps walking, even when his clothes are soaked and
heavy, even when he tastes brackish wetness, even when his lungs threaten to burst.

His father was right: there's always a choice.

___

Lex woke up choking, tearing off the blue silk sheet wrapped like a river around his neck.  
Throwing it to the floor, he took a quick shower, his mouth tightly closed against the water,
dressed, then tossed some clothes into a suitcase.   Sunday, and time to get the hell out of Dodge.  
The dream clinched it: this place was eating him alive, screwing with his perspective, and the
sooner he escaped, the better.   Tokyo first, then Metropolis, a nice abnormal life full of money,
power and paternal subversion.  No more goddamn Clark Kent, no more guilt, no more
nightmares.   It was 11:30 already, and his flight left in four hours--enough time if he kept his foot
on the gas.   

Sitting in his Porsche, the suitcase in the trunk, Lex realized he'd forgotten his passport on the
dresser.   "Fuck."   Not a Freudian slip, just a last-minute packing job, and he took the stairs two
at a time back up to his room.   He was about to leave the house when the doorbell rang.  
"Fuck."   Fuck Clark Kent and his punctuality.   He jumped again as Clark hit the buzzer, then
gave in and opened the door.  "Right on time, as always."

"Hi, Lex.   Going somewhere?"

A gift.   All Lex had to say was... "I...No.   Not right now.   I said I'd be here, and here I am."  
He tossed the passport onto a table.   "You're not coming in?"

Clark stayed in the doorway, folding the cloth of the jacket in his hands.   "No.   Can we... Is it
okay if we stay outside?   Go for a walk?"

"If that's what you want."   He let Clark lead the way, and they followed the path that snaked
behind the house, heading for the orchard, for the tallest tree there, where confused nature had
hung cherries--the same ones, presumably, that he'd been trudging through the other night.     

"Wow, Lex.   Look.   Cherries."   Clark reached out for one, ran his finger over the swollen red
skin, took a bite.  Juice squirted, and he licked his lips.  "It's good.   Strange thing is, there are no
pits.  Try one."   He started to pick them, gathering the fruit in his hand.  

"Of course there are no pits.   This is Smallville, after all.   I'm surprised they don't have two
heads."   

"Okay," Clark finally said, dropping the cherries to the ground where they formed a small, red
pyramid.   "I guess you want to know what this is all about."

"I already know.   You're not that good an actor, Clark."

"Oh."   He turned away, looking toward the river.   "I guess this is going to be over even faster
than I thought."

"It's better this way.   Fast, I mean."

"Why are you here if you knew what I was going to say?"

"I feel like I owe it to you.   To listen."  

"You mean you still want me to say it?"

"That's why I'm here."   In a fit of psychosomatic anxiety, his lungs started to close, like an
asthma attack.   He should've left when he had the chance. 

"Well, I'm glad.   I need to say it.   I've been thinking it for a long time, and I figured you knew
because everyone else seems to.   It's just that there are all of these secrets, and sometimes it's
too much to keep them, so--"

"Look, Clark, I'm sorry.   I screwed up.  I hired Dr. Hamilton to do research on the meteor rocks. 
 I didn't know he was going to create a mutant hybrid of a long-dead flower and some rock
fragments.   Not exactly responsible behavior on my part, I'll admit, for hiring the mad-genius
type."   He tried to smile, look cool and unconcerned.   It didn't feel like a big success, but the
pressure in his lungs eased a little.

Clark was staring like Lex had confessed to killing Kennedy.   "What?"

"I'm telling you the truth."   Sort of.   "He was at my place the night Pete got shot.   I lied
because I didn't think you'd believe me.   And because Hamilton was already on my payroll,
researching the meteor rocks."

"Lex, what are you talking about?"

"What really happened.   How it's my fault about Pete and Lana and your dad.   I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd believe me.   No one ever does."   Good thing that unlike Caesar Lex had no
Suetonius to record this highlight of his life for posterity.   "I haven't given people a lot of reasons
to believe me."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I wanted you to know.   So we could stay friends."

"Lex, I did know.   Well, not for sure, but when I thought about it after and talked to Chloe and
Pete, that's what we all figured."

"So I guess staying friends isn't an option after all."

"Lex, I'm not really good at reading people--ask Chloe how slow I am about this kind of stuff--
but I'm getting the feeling that you don't have a clue what I want to tell you."

"You want to tell me that our friendship's over.   That I've failed."

"Now I know how Chloe feels.   For someone so smart, Lex, you can be pretty blind."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know why, but this makes it easier to say.   Lex, I like you."

"You like me, but...?"

"That's the thing.   There is no ‘but'.   I like you.   A lot."

"You mean you want to keep being my friend?"   He cringed inside as he said it.   Regression to
childhood was apparently another side effect of living in Smallhell. 

"Not exactly."

"You don't want to be my friend?"  

"Lex..."   He swallowed, then took a short step closer.   His cheeks were flushed from the heat.  
"Okay, I was right the first time.   This is hard.   Okay.   You know how I like Lana, right?"

"Pretty hard to miss."

"That's nothing compared to how I like you."

And there it was: Clark's secret that maybe Lex had always known and avoided since it screwed
up everyone's plans for sanctity.   Accepting it meant acting, and he didn't want the responsibility,
the pressure, the guilt.   Now it was unavoidable because, God, Lex wasn't that strong, not with
Clark standing under the tree so scared and needing and irresistible.   Lying to other people was
pathetic; lying to yourself was one step from cloven hooves and a shaky sense of balance.

Clark's mouth tasted like cherries, and Lex couldn't stop licking, tasting, couldn't stop getting off
on the simple fact that his tongue was against Clark's.   Sweet, awkward and perfect, with Clark
bending his head a little too fast, bumped noses like curious cats, both of them with their eyes
open wide, Clark's green-circled pupils reflecting things that Lex had never seen.   It was too
bright out here; sex in any form was done in the dark for a reason.   The dark let you pretend that
it was about bodies and hormones, with feelings easily masked as general lust.   Clark would see
too much, and Lex would see it mirrored back.   He almost pulled away, but his hands were stuck
to the strong, flat planes of Clark's back, his mouth to Clark's hot, open one, his cock to Clark's
hard one.  

His brain flashed more error signals, and Lex ignored them.   This was only a kiss, a long, deep
kiss, no matter how hard they were or what he wanted.   No one went to hell for a kiss; even
Judas tagged betrayal onto his.  So he kept going, let Clark taste him with his cherry-flavored
tongue while Lex buried his hands in Clark's hair.   They didn't have to do anything but kiss like
this for hours, then he'd send Clark home.   He would.

Except his hands were now under Clark's t-shirt, skimming over his back while Clark arched into
him, his body like a bridge and hard everywhere.   The kiss broke, but Lex saw the line of Clark's
throat and had to lick it, had to find out how the rest of Clark tasted.   Salt and some powdery
light soap, and Lex licked until the soap was gone and it was all Clark under his tongue.   Lex's
shirt had somehow unbuttoned, and the two sides hung open, spread wider by Clark, who stroked
along his ribcage, then up to his nipples, and Lex bit him, heard a gasp, felt Clark press against
him, and did it again.   

"Lex.   God.   Please don't stop."

So he pulled Clark's shirt over his head, tossed it into the grass beside Clark's fallen jacket and
the pile of fallen cherries.   When the jacket was spread beside it, anchored in place by the snips
and snails and whatever else Clark carried around in its pocket, Lex took Clark's hand and
lowered him onto it, cushioning his head with the crumpled t-shirt.   

"Wait," Clark said, when Lex went to kiss him, and tugged off Lex's shirt.   "Wow.   Your
skin..."   He reached out and touched Lex like a cherry, one finger moving from his shoulder
down his chest.   "Can I...?"

"You can do anything you want."   

Clark propped himself up one elbow and kissed Lex's shoulder, then licked it, a wet tickle better
than most blowjobs.  "Was that okay?"

"Better than okay."

"I want it to be good.  I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I know you've had lots of
practice while I'm experience-challenged.   And Lex..."

"What's the matter?"

"You're not doing this because you feel sorry for me, are you?  I mean, I guess that's fine.   Or
not.   I don't know."

"I wouldn't do this if I didn't want to," Lex said in a voice calm as a lie before he put his hand
over Clark's heart and eased him down.   Every time they stopped, the guilt came back, and if his
cock wasn't so hard and Clark wasn't so ready, his own cock outlined against his jeans, his
shoulder, neck and mouth wet from Lex's tongue, it would take over.   And he needed this, God,
needed to do things to Clark, make him crazy and wild and his, this one time.   

"Good, because you don't owe me--"

Lex licked up the rest of the sentence, and Clark moaned, the tense line of his lips softening until
Lex felt the warm press of his tongue.   With his hands, Lex encouraged him, testing Clark for
vincible spots, like the flow of skin over Clark's collar bones, the hollow at the back of his skull
under his hair.   He did it all while Clark traced his spine with the tips of his fingers, then the curve
of his hipbone, and it was so incredibly cliched and stupid to lose it like this under a tree with a
hot young virgin, like they were glued to the pages of...Virgil's Eclogues. 

Maybe if Clark would stop grinding his hips, stop rubbing his cock against Lex's, this wouldn't be
so chaotic.   Not terrifying, just too much of everything.   The way Clark looked at him, even his
pupils wide open, his face flushed and so desperate that Lex kissed him like he'd never kissed
anyone, forgetting about precision and order, pushing his tongue deep into Clark's mouth again
and again, thinking about his cock there, his cock inside Clark's strong body-- 

--until he was held off.   "Lex."

"Sorry.   This is too much.   I know."

"It's not that.   Kind of the opposite."   He gave one of those grins that took over his face, too big
on anyone else, then stared at nothing over Lex's shoulder, before looking straight at him.   "I
don't want you to stop.  At all.   I know it's stupid to stop you and tell you not to stop, but, well,
I worry about things and I don't want any distractions."

"I don't want you distracted.   I want you here with me the whole time."   

"So maybe we could take everything off.   So we won't have to stop again."

"Are you sure?"  

"Yes."   

They finished at the same time, and when Clark went to lie down again, Lex touched his arm.  
"Wait.   Let me look."

Clark had a scattering of freckles on his chest, a swirl of dark hair around his nipples, more under
his arms and on his legs, between them.   Lex looked there the longest, at Clark's cock, a solid
line that thickened at the head.  Darkened, too, full of blood that stained it the color of the
overhanging cherries.   His balls were made for a mouth, smooth and round, and Lex's hand went
out.   At the last second, he changed direction, and his fingers closed over Clark's hip.   "Lie
down," he said, and heard the difference in his voice.   

It happened quickly, with Clark grabbing Lex on the way so that they tumbled together into the
grass, ending side by side, face to face.  So much skin against him, and while they kissed, Lex
stroked Clark's back then lower to his ass, sliding a hand over each cheek.   It brought them too
close, his bare cock against Clark's, and Clark was moaning into his mouth in a hot rush that Lex
felt in his balls.   That was the problem with Clark Kent: too much direct cause and effect.  

To control the situation, Lex left Clark's mouth, shifting on the grass so air whispered between
them, and went for his throat again, held Clark in his teeth, all of that power and beauty
completely his.   For now.   Something pushed against his lungs, a little sting of panic, but he sent
it somewhere deep and moved lower to Clark's nipples.   He didn't lick or suck, not at first, just
looked up to see Clark still watching with a kind of fervor, barely blinking, breathing in gulps, so
intent and happy that Lex almost lost it, almost took Clark's cock in his mouth to claim that first
orgasm.   

This had to last, had to be imprinted in Lex's memory, every detail of Clark's reaction, every
moan, every shudder, every look, so he ran his finger over Clark's lips then pushed it between
them, while Clark sucked.   A little thing, miles from a blowjob, but it hurt to pull his finger from
the tongue circling it.   Lex rubbed the wet tip of his finger against Clark's right nipple until it
stiffened into a tiny, hard mouthful, then sucked, always aware of Clark's cock pressing against
his, the arm slung over his back.  

"I'm sorry," Clark said dreamily, but didn't let go when Lex tried to move away, sure it was over,
that this was another crazy dream.  "Sorry that I pushed you into the wall.   You keep getting
hurt, and that time it was my fault.  I kept thinking about it after, how you could've died, and it
would be all my fault."

At that, Lex had to take Clark in his hand, where he was so smooth and swollen.  Clark went still,
and when he finally reacted, reaching for Lex's cock, Lex pushed his hand away.   "I'm too
close," he said.  

"Because of me?  Or--"

"It's you, Clark."   The ‘always' nearly followed, so he shut up after that, just stroked Clark's
cock as slowly as he could, feeling the throb of blood under the skin.

Clark went wordless again, lying there panting before he turned his head a fraction to kiss Lex's
cheek, then his mouth.   Nothing so sweet ever as the soft penetration by Clark's tongue, and Lex
didn't fight it, even let Clark roll him onto his back so he could suck Lex's nipples, and Lex had
to let go of Clark's cock.   His nipples  were tender already, but Clark looked so serious, did it so
eagerly, that Lex only stroked Clark's hair and tried not to come.   He took an odd comfort, too,
in the slow pace of it all, so different from his dreams.   Only this was true.

Then he started to miss Clark's mouth on his and pulled him up again.   Kiss after kiss, and his
fingers itched, too empty, and it only stopped when they closed around Clark's cock.   His name
slid down his throat as Clark said it, filling him, and he encouraged Clark onto his back, then
licked a straight line from Clark's full bottom lip down his chest until he reached the head of his
cock.   Stopped dead.

With his fingers tight around the base, he lifted it to his mouth.   "Are you ready?"

"What do you think?"

"Because this is going to change everything."

"I know, Lex," he said, and raised himself for a better view.  

The head was slippery, and Lex loved that he'd made Clark wet for him.   He half-expected Clark
to taste like cherries even here; instead, he was sharp, vaguely like pine, and Lex loved that, too,
because it was Clark and no one else knew it.   It was their secret, how Clark tasted, how he
looked the first time Lex's tongue slid over the swollen head of his cock, the way his eyes closed
for a second and every muscle went taut for him, how that incredible full mouth softened and
spilled his name again.   

God, it made Lex's hands shake, his cock throb, to have Clark like this, to hold him on the tip of
his tongue.   A blue vein ran under Clark's skin, and Lex pressed his mouth to it, held his tongue
there to feel the pulse of blood.   It echoed through him, the beat of it, and the orchard faded to
nothing, leaving him alone with Clark.   Lex confirmed this by opening his mouth for the stretch
of Clark's cock.   His eyes burned, and he'd have to blink sometime, only not now, not with Clark
so far from a saint, from Jonathan's son, just this beautiful kid hovering near orgasm, all for him.   

If there was ever a time for ironic distance, this was it, with the raw clamoring under the surface.  
Lex tried, but it was like slamming on the brakes at sixty miles an hour, and he skidded right over
the bridge, taking Clark's cock deep down his throat, then pulling back before hungrily taking it in
again until Clark was writhing on the grass, one hand hot on Lex's skull.   He kept sucking even
when Clark cried out "Lex," even when he arched, even when the first wet burst fell like rain on
his tongue, only hot and bittersweet, like everything else about Clark.   

He didn't swallow as Clark warmed his mouth with come, savoring it like his mother with her tea. 
When the bursts slowed, then stopped, and Clark had fallen back into the grass, Lex drank it all,
filling himself with it.   Only it wasn't enough.  "Roll over," he told him.   "I'm not finished with
you."

"Good," Clark said, low and sated, as he moved into place.   "I want you to do everything to me.  
I even brought...stuff.   In my jacket."

A tube of lubricant in the pocket, a white plastic bag wrapped around it.   "How do you even
know about this?"

"I'm not twelve, Lex.   I live on a farm, surf the net.   When Chloe's not around, Pete and I watch
his brother's dirty movies."   He was barely audible, his eyes closed, not annoyed but amused.  

"Hidden depths," he said, irrationally jealous of Pete, and dropped the lube beside the spilled pile
of cherries.

"It's why you like me."   He folded his arms and rested his cheek on them.   "Think how bored
you'll be when I stop surprising you."   

Before he straddled Clark's hips, Lex looked at Clark's relaxed, flushed body.   "I wouldn't hold
your breath."   Then, in place, he leaned down, his cock against the swell of Clark's ass, held
Clark's hair from his neck and kissed him.  It earned him a long vowel of pleasure, so he did it
again, keeping his knees locked to avoid the firm contact that would have him coming all over
Clark's ass.   "Stay relaxed," he whispered in Clark's ear.   "It won't happen until you're ready
for it."

"Ready for it now," Clark mumbled, and raised his hips.  

"Jesus, Clark.   Don't do that or it won't happen at all."   He felt the laugh under him, and gently
bit the lobe of Clark's ear.   "Not funny, farmboy.   I want to be inside you, and you're making it
hard."

Another rumbled laugh.  "I can tell."   

That feeling came back, panic mixed with something old and sweet as communion wine, and Lex
buried his face between Clark's shoulders, licking the salt from his skin, watching the flicker of
muscle.   He kept licking, making Clark shiny and wet across his shoulders then down the column
of his spine.   When he couldn't go any lower, Lex knelt between Clark's legs, cupping his ass
with both hands, and squeezed.   

"That's nice."

"It's going to get nicer."

"I was hoping."

He kept one hand in place, but moved the other to lick him, slow and wet like a cat, then switched
sides, until Clark's ass gleamed like the rest of him.   Never in the middle, though, only teasing
Clark by letting his tongue slide down the curve then licking back up.   Clark's breathing changed,
got a little faster, and Lex pictured his cock growing, not hard but fuller than normal.   Next came
the sucking on the fleshiest part of Clark's ass, down to his thighs, always returning before the
flush had time to fade.   

Clark started to squirm around a series of low sighs.   "Lex, I think I'm ready now."

"I'm just getting started."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

"You don't like it?"

"You know I do.   It's making me, well, crazy."

"That's how I want you.   Well, actually, like this."   With his hands on Clark's hips, he
repositioned him so that Clark's head stayed down, his cheek against his crumpled t-shirt, with his
weight resting on his knees and his ass high in the air.   Clark's cock hung down between his legs,
thick and very hard, and Lex stroked it quickly, just once.  "Perfect."

With one finger, he followed the cleft, brushing it lightly, then traced the skin under Clark's balls,
back and forth until Clark moaned and lifted his ass.  Lex pushed him back down and reached for
a cherry in the grass, a ripe red one, laid it flat above the line of Clark's ass, then flattened it.  
Juice squirted, staining Clark's lower back and the curves underneath.   The ruined flesh tossed
away, Lex caught the red drops with his tongue, this time licking deeper along the line.   When
Clark moved, Lex pressed with his knees.   "Let me do this."

"I guess I should be cool about everything, not king of the dorks, but no one's ever...And it's
you...And, wow.   I've never felt like this before, and it's really hard to stay still."  

A truth seemed necessary, but Lex only said quietly, "If you do, I'll make you come harder than
you ever have."

"You already did.   It feels like I never stopped.   But I'll try, Lex, if that's what you want." 

For an answer, Lex picked up a second cherry, tore off the stem, and put it in his mouth, careful
not to bite it.  Then he spread Clark with both hands and pushed the cherry against him until it
burst.   More juice and torn flesh, and Lex cleaned it up, his tongue slipping briefly inside Clark.  
At the gratifying shudder, Lex took another cherry, a smaller one, removed the stem, and again
with his tongue placed it right at the center.   This time, the pushes were light, not enough to
break the fruit, but hard enough that Clark tensed, whimpering.   

Holding the cherry with one hand, he stroked Clark's back with the other one.   "Relax.   Stay
open for me."   The sigh eased the tension, and when Lex moved his tongue away, the cherry
stayed in place.   "Keep breathing.   Long, slow, deep breaths."   

Quick obedience, and Lex nudged the cherry deeper, until Clark said, "It's too good.   I can't,"
and the cherry broke in a flare of juice.   With tw