For the slash rules parodied used for this story, go here.
Hercules was hunched over the much thumbed scroll that he was supposed to have memorised, well before this point, but, no matter how much he tried, he just couldn't get the facts listed thereon in his head. Not to stay there anyway.
"What'cha' doin' Herc?" His long term friend asked. Iolaus was sitting on the opposite side of the fire from the famous hero, watching his friend look at his empty hands for hours on end.
"Studying," Hercules answered as he rolled the scroll Iolaus couldn't see forward again.
"Studying what?" Iolaus queried.
"This scroll!" Hercules snapped, waving the said scroll in Iolaus' face. The hunter still didn't see it.
"He can't see it, it's not a mortal artifact!" A disembodied voice announced.
"Oh!" Herc said.
"Oh, what?" Iolaus asked.
"I was talking to Ares." Herc told him.
"He's here!?" Iolaus bounced to his feet and still bouncing he spun around looking for Ares.
"Which one was that then?" Ares asked as he materialised, as far as Hercules anyway. Iolaus, apparently, still couldn't see the War God.
Hercules started to unroll the scroll.
"No peeking!" Ares admonished.
"Iolaus, bouncing.. is?"
"Rule 17!" Hercules cried out.
"Yes, right!" Ares enthused.
"Rule 17, what's that?" Iolaus asked. He stood there, looking put upon and vulnerable.
"Isn't he so cute when he's vulnerable?" Ares asked.
"Rule 1?" Herc asked his brother.
"Well done!" Ares patted his brother's knee.
"What are you talking about, Herc?" Iolaus was beginning to worry about his best friend.
"I don't like sitting on this log!" Ares announced.
"42!!" Hercules crowed.
"Yes!" His beautiful brother replied.
"Is that an answer.. what sort of answer is 42? Or is it the question? No, can't be, has to be an answer!" Iolaus bounced and pondered. Then the hunter giggled, even through his worry he giggled. "I'd get as much sense from a couple of mice as I do you!"
"He giggles!" Ares announced.
"58!" Hercules told him.
"You're so smart!" Ares smiled, sweetly, encouraging his brother. "I know you can do this, come on, for me?" He stroked Herc's cheek.
"48 and.." Herc hesitated.
"And?" Ares whispered, face to face, lips almost touching.
"22" The hero whispered.
"Oh Herc!" Ares sighed out as he leaned forward and kissed his brother. "Who else?" Ares asked as he broke their passionate kiss.
"23, 24 and every one knows 25!" Herc added, pushing his luck!
"You want me to pop you on the nose for that one?" Ares snarled, growling his displeasure.
"28 AND 76!" Herc's face went such a deep red.
"Herc, you're blushing!" Iolaus mumbled from around a bite of his omnipresent bread and meat.
"64 and 75!" Herc muttered, under his breath.
Seeing his best friend in the world sitting apparently talking in number riddles to the invisible God of War, and fully not understanding one iota of it, Iolaus decided that it would be wiser to leave Herc and Ares alone. After all everyone knew they secretly loved each other. Even if they both did settle for Iphicles, his beloved Iphicles that deserved better than being someone's second choice. He would forever be his first choice! Equal only to Ares, Herc, Joxer and not forgetting the multi talented Strife.
"Where you going?" Herc asked. Distracted by the flood of Iolaus' thoughts Ares kindly supplied.
"Ahh!" Iolaus thought hard to find a plausible excuse. "Thought I'd get some night fishing in, maybe a spot of night hunting too.. you never know what or who you could meet at a lake side in the night!" He blushed to a standstill then continued on his way, without looking back.
Ares just shrugged, and grinned.
"Lakes: 112, Iolaus: 110, Joxer and Strife: 41, 92, 93, 94 the fish and the hunting 115: You and Iolaus: 71, me: 70! And don't forget 30 or 110, hmm, am I right?" The list was said coyly just before the demi-god leaned over and kissed his startled brother. As Herc felt Ares relax into their passionate kiss he became aware of his brother actively looking around them too! He broke from Ares and chided him. "104!" He brushed Ares' lush lips, again!
"Why 42?" Ares challenged.
"82!" Came the prompt response. Ares applauded his brother. "51." Herc whispered. Ares blushed anyway and shrugged.
"How can 56 and 57 both be true. Either one is proven or the other?" Herc asked, suddenly perplexed.
"Joxer has a very bad memory, Dite washed it once now we can't do a thing with it!" Ares sighed. "If only she had left well enough alone. Jox isn't a toy to be played with, he's a real being with real feelings, for dad's sake!"
"6" Herc said, sagely. Ares nodded. "But what if she were to kill him, Joxer the deceased?" Herc asked, letting Ares think it through.
"Oh!" The God squeaked in very evident distress at that idea. Joxer dead, gone forever.
"93" Herc said and hugged his brother close again. To distract the upset God Herc let his fingers wander and they let themselves unlace Ares' leather. Stroking the animal skin, warm from its contact with Ares' cock. He always associated Ares and leather. "15!" He moaned, thinking about the aroma of fresh, new leather. "13!" He gasped. His hand slipped fully into those oh, so tight pants and captured their prey. "27!" Herc's eyes lit up in delighted anticipation. "77" He groaned in supreme delight.. "26 and 28, now!" Herc demanded.
"You sure you really want this?" Ares asked. "It might hurt, you know?"
"4, 5, 8, 118 not forgetting 117 either, you know you want it!" He groaned, straining at his own leather pants. Harder than the rock Olympus was built on. "89." He boasted.
"Fuck, let's fuck!" Ares slipped onto the forest floor and was naked in a nano second, as was Hercules.
"39!!!" Hercules squealed in delight, then shut up as he fucked his brother, and his brother fuck him. Then he fucked his brother again, followed, of course, by his brother fucking him, again.
Eventually they broke apart, still clean and dry.
"60, 54, 99, 98, and my favourite, 113!" Herc finally got his breath back to speak.
Ares stood, fully naked, letting his brother enjoy the spectacle.
"That's enough for tonight Herc, I'll stop by tomorrow and we can pick up where we left off. Okay?" The War God asked. Herc looked, watched, listened and nodded his head. "Good, you'll get through your God Test this time. This time you'll get to keep your license, you'll see.!" Ares encouraged his recumbent brother.
"But why all the rules?" Herc finally asked.
"Someone's gotta keep things in order, where would we be without rules?" Ares asked and vanished.
"117!" The hero muttered his favourite rule once more for luck, and got up to look for either Iolaus or his pants, whichever he found first.