::Theme song of Beverly Hills 90210 plays, only instead of the normal cast you see Ares, Iphicles, Xena, Gabrielle Caesar, Callisto, Valesca, Iolaus, Iolaus2 and Autolycus::
SCENE ONE: A classroom in side of the high school. CAESAR, VALESCA, and CALLISTO are listening to P.A. announcements.
GABRIELLE'S VOICE:...and when I become Student Body President, I promise that this school will become a perfect place to follow the Way, and we will be extremely happy following the Way. I also promise that there will be free henna for all! So remember, when you cast your vote tomorrow, vote for me!
PRINCIPAL'S VOICE: Thank you Gabrielle. As she reminded us, don't forget to vote tomor...
::A brick hits the speaker, breaking it::
::An angry CAESAR turns to the two women.::
CAESAR: You told me I was going to win!
CALLISTO: You are going to win!
VALESCA: Of course you are!
CAESAR: THEN WHY IS THAT BLOND HARPY STILL WINNING?!
CALLISTO: I don't know, but I promise that tomorrow you *will* be president.
CAESAR: Good, because, if I am not, then neither one of you will live to see Homecoming! Do I make myself clear?
::CALLISTO and VALESCA nod quickly.::
SCENE TWO: The next day, lunch time, cafeteria. ARES, XENA, IPHICLES, AUTOLYCUS, HERCULES and JOXER are sitting around talking. JOXER is distracted, reading a science-fiction novel, IPHICLES is brooding. AUTO is reading "The Greatest Thieves of all times." Suddenly a speaker is heard, and all stop talking to hear the announcement.
PRINCIPAL'S VOICE: Please excuse the interruption, but I have horrible news. Gabrielle's body was discovered this morning by the police. Police think it was a mugging attempt gone wrong, although none of her possessions are missing. Memorial services will be held tomorrow beginning promptly at 8:00. Now, I would like to introduce president-elect Julius Caesar who would like to share a few words with you.
CAESAR'S VOICE: At this time of grief, it is important to remember who the little bitch really was. She was an arrogant woman who cared about no one but herself, and no one is losing anything important because of her early demise. But enough about her.
::Fighting sounds in the background::
CAESAR’S VOICE (cont.) It is the beginning of a new era here at Beverly Hills High School. As your new Emperor, I look forward to ruling over each and everyone of you completely, to you bowing to my feet...hold on a second...
::More fighting can be heard, followed by a scream from what sounds like to be the principal::
CAESAR’S VOICE (cont. distractedly) Damn it, her blood is everywhere...Callisto, take care of the body, Valesca, clean up this mess…::clears voice:: Now where were we? Ah yes. I know that this time will be a very prosperous time for our school. Coronation ceremonies will be held shortly after the funerals of Gabrielle, and our dearly departed Principal. That is all.
::Camera pans to show shocked faces of the gang.::
ARES: Remind me, whose bright idea was it to talk about the school elections around *him*?
HERCULES: Well, excuse me! How was I supposed to know he would end up killing Gabrielle *and* the principal??
ARES: Gods you are so dense, Hercules! How could you miss those "I'm going to take over the world" schemes of his?
HERCULES: I thought they were a joke!
ARES: Oh, just go find one of your love-struck followers and leave us alone!
::HERCULES leaves, grumbling::
XENA: I can't believe he killed my friend!
ARES: Well, Caesar was right about one thing: she *was* a brat!
XENA: I don't care! I'll going kick his ass...I'm going to kill him!
ARES: You can't do anything! Callisto and Valesca are with him all day and from what I have heard, all night! You are not getting anywhere near him!
XENA: There has got to be *something* I can do!
ARES: Don’t worry, we’ll think of something.
::ARES and XENA start to plan. AUTO sees IPHICLES brooding and walks over to him.::
AUTO: What's wrong, baby-doll?
IPHY: Don't call me that!
AUTO: Sorry, so what's wrong?
IPHY ::sadly:: I don't have a date to homecoming.
AUTO: Have you asked anyone?
AUTO: And she turned you down?
IPHY: He, and yes.
AUTO: Who in their right mind would turn you down? You are gorgeous!
AUTO: ::slightly surprised:: Who is he going with?
AUTO: Ares? But I thought that he was with Hercules last week!
IPHY: And he was with Caesar the week before.
AUTO: That slut! But it's okay, honey. Anyone who sleeps around like that isn't good enough for you.
IPHY: But I want to sleep with him! Everyone else has!
::AUTO looks sheepish::
IPHY: You've slept with him too?! Great! Am I the only guy in school who *hasn't* slept with him?
IPHY: When is it going to be my turn?
::AUTO pulls out a little black book::
AUTO: According to this, the Fates have you and Joxer together two weeks from now.
IPHY: ::whining:: Why do I have to wait so long?
AUTO: Maybe you pissed them off?
AUTO: Tell you what, go to homecoming with me.
IPHY: You mean it?
AUTO: Yeah, sure.
IPHY: Great! I need another notch on my belt! I'm at least three people behind everyone else.
AUTO: Glad to help. I know a little shop on Melrose where we can get you the perfect dress.
IPHY: A dress? ME?! Why?
AUTO: I'm not the woman in this relationship!
IPHY: Neither am I!
AUTO: Want to flip for it?
IPHY: All right. ::Auto pulls out a double-sided coin, and flips it in the air.::
::The coin falls on the floor. The camera pans down to reveal that indeed, it landed on heads::
AUTO: I win! Now what size dress do you wear?
IPHY ::sighs:: I'm a size 12....
SCENE THREE: In the school's weight room. IOLAUS and IOLAUS2 are working out. HERCULES enters, angrily.
HERCULES: I can't believe my brother. Blaming this whole mess on me!
IOLAUS: What's wrong Herc?
HERCULES: You mean, you didn't hear the news?
IOLAUS2: Hear what news?
HERCULES: Caesar killed the principal, and by now has probably taken control of the school. Oh, and one of his goons probably killed Gabrielle as well.
IOLAUS: Wow is right. They really need to put speakers in here.
HERCULES: All this has happened and all you can say is “Wow?!” The amount of concern you two show is amazing.
IOLAUS and IOLAUS2: Thanks
HERCULES ::sighs, and not seeing the point of continuing this line of conversation asks:: So are you to going to Homecoming?
IOLAUS: If I can find a date, than yeah.
IOLAUS2: I was going to go with Gabrielle...but now? Guess not.
HERCULES: Want to come with me, Iolaus?
IOLAUS: Sure, why not?
IOLAUS2: Oh sure, forget about me.
::HERCULES looks at IOLAUS2::
HERCULES: Why don't you come with us?
IOLAUS2: You mean it? IOLAUS: Yeah, why not? You can never have enough good looking blondes at the dances.
Preview for next week:: Iphicles shopping for a dress. Herc/Iolaus/Iolaus2 trying to nominate themselves for Homecoming King and Queen. Xena and Ares plotting against Caesar. All this and more, next week on Athens, Greece, 90210!!!
::Theme music plays. You see Caesar, Velasca, Callisto, Iphicles, Ares, Autolycus, Hercules and the two Iolauii, plus a graphic for special guest stars Widow Twanky and Pompey Magnus.::
SCENE ONE: CAESAR’S throne room, formerly the Principal’s office. Enter Callisto, Velasca and Pompey.
::The room is Spartan except for the throne in the center of the room. A door leads to his office. ::
CAESAR: What is the progress about my letter to the school board?
CALLISTO: In light of your very detailed letter of what would happen to them, should they not comply or
if they try to call the police, the School Board has decided by unanimous vote that they will not be sending a new principal, nor will they elevate one of the vice-principals to the position. They recognize you as the leader of the school.
CAESAR: Excellent. Velasca, what is the status of our deal with the police?
VELASCA: After a little hesitance on their part, and some gentle prodding on mine, they found your offer to
be most…acceptable. ::flashes evil grin:: You won’t find any resistance in the force, plus the promise to let you know about all those who would try to get you arrested.
CAESAR: Very well. What about the news media?
POMPEY: They have agreed to a blackout. None of the stations will air a piece about this, or write an
article for print or radio. It’s amazing how wimpy they are…a little bit of torture, and they cave in.
::Pompey ponders this::
CAESAR: They are weak, give them a little pain, and you hold them in palm of your hand.
::A knocking on the door.::
::A student, now dressed in a uniform similar to that seen on the Roman soldiers in Xena enters::
GUARD: Lord Caesar. ::salutes:: You have a few petitioners who request an audience.
CAESAR: What for?
GUARD: They wish to enter the contest for Homecoming King and Queen.
CAESAR: Then why are they coming to me? Why aren’t some of my underlings…I mean, fellow council members, handling this?
GUARD: Well sir, for one thing, there are three of them, and the other…they are all men.
CAESAR: ::Sighs:: Show them in. ::turning to his three advisors:: Leave us!
::Pompey, Callisto and Velasca nod as they leave, passing by Hercules, Iolaus and Iolaus2.::
CAESAR: I understand that you wish to enter the election for Homecoming couple?
::all three nod.::
CAESAR: You do realize, that this is highly unusual for a number of reasons.
::they nod again.::
CAESAR: Tell me, why do you wish to enter?
HERCULES: All three of us are good looking, and popular. It’d be great to be named Homecoming King.
Who wouldn’t like that honor?
CAESAR: Me. It’s a trivial title meaning nothing except that you could buy the votes of your class mates with flirtation and offers of sexual intercourse.
::Iolaus and Iolaus2 blush::
HERCULES: That may be so, but should we be denied because there are three of us? Or the fact that we are
CAESAR: Certainly not the fact that you are a same-sex couple. From what I have information I have gathered
about the popular crowd, at least half of them are gay. The problem lies in the fact that there are three of you.
CAESAR: For one thing, we only have two crowns. Another: If by some miracle, you *do* win this competition, what do we call you? The Homecoming Kings? The Homecoming Family?
IOLAUS: I happen to like Homecoming Kings.
IOLAUS2: Me too.
CAESAR: Fine. But if you insist on entering, you must perform a favor for me.
HERCULES: What is it?
CAESAR: Hercules, I’ve seen you, you are a born leader with some talent for military leadership. I want you
to take the ROTC unit at campus and make them a viable force. With weapons, and everything.
HERCULES: What are you planning to do? Attack and conquer other schools? And where am I supposed to get
these weapons, even if I did agree? What if I say no?
CAESAR: What I plan to do with them is none of *your* business, as for your second question, I already have
them, all you have to do is train the men in their proper use. If you say no, you won’t get the nomination, as well as make me *very* unhappy, which would not be very healthy for you…however, if you say yes…I will ensure that victory will be yours.
HERCULES: May I have some time to think this over?
CAESAR ::nods:: You have five minutes.
::HERCULES grabs the two IOLAUII and pulls them to the side of the room.::
HERCULES: The crown can’t mean this much to you.
IOLAUS2: No, by my life does! Did you hear the way he was talking?
IOLAUS: He’s right Herc, if we don’t do as he says, we could end up the next "accident" victims.
HERCULES: Then I don’t have any choice, do I?
::IOLAUII nod no.::
HERCULES: Great. ::making voice loud enough for Caesar to hear him:: I’ll do it.
CAESAR: Excellent. Talk to Pompey, he’ll show you what you need to know. Congratulations, Homecoming Kings.
::CAESAR laughs evilly::
SCENE TWO: Melrose Avenue. IPHICLES and AUTOLYCUS enter "Twanky’s" a shop known for it’s elegant and expensive dresses—as well for catering to men who like to dress in drag.. As implied by it’s name, the shop is run by the WIDOW TWANKY.
::WIDOW TWANKY dances her way to the two boys::
WT: Why, hello there boys, and welcome to my shop. I am The Widow Twanky. Owner and Proprietress of this
fine establishment. So where is the lucky lady?
AUTO: No ladies this time. The one getting the dress is my friend, Iphicles.
WT: Ooh. One of those fellow, eh? Not a problem. I handle cases like you all the time…though because of
your…unique…hair coloring, it will make things difficult…I always love a challenge. Come on boys, let’s go!
::WT leads them to the back of the store, where she happily drops several dresses his size into IPHICLES' arms. She leads them to a dressing room, and then as an afterthought, asks::
WT: Are you all…eh-hum…taped up?
IPHICLES ::blushing:: Yeah, I did it before we came here…
AUTO: When did you do that? We came from school!
IPHICLES: In the boys bathroom…after my shower in gym.
WT: Enough idle chatter, boys, time’s a-wasting. Do you have anything to use for a chest?
IPHICLES ::blushing again:: No.
WT: Just a second deary, and I’ll get you set up. ::walks away to return a few minutes later with a fake
bust with a size "C" cup.:: There you go. Put that on. It’ll fill in all those dresses quite nicely.
::IPHICLES doesn’t say anything, only heads into the dressing room, and begins trying on dresses.::
::AN HOUR LATER::
WT: No, No, NO! They all clash with your hair! I simply do not know what to do! Everything clashes! I don’t suppose you could dye your hair?
IPHICLES: I’m not dyeing my hair!!
AUTO: (under his breath) How do you think it got that way in the first place?
WT: What about a wig?
AUTO: Come on, Iph. Be a sport.
IPHICLES: ::mumbling:: Oh, all right.
AUTO: Do you have any wigs with long, curly black hair?
WT: Let me check. Be right back dearies.
::Leaves the room::
IPHY: What do you think you are doing?
AUTO: Getting you a wig.
IPHY: Yeah, but why that color?! I’ll look just like Ares!
AUTO: That’s the point, my cutie-pie.
IPHY: *DON’T* call me cutie-pie! And run that reason by me again.
AUTO: Sorry about that doll-face!
::IPHY growls at him::
AUTO: My point is this. This is the perfect way to get back at Joxer. From what I have heard, they are meeting at Spago for a pre-dance dinner. I’ll way-lay Ares, and you take his place. This way not only will you get to spend the evening with Joxer, but you’ll also trash Ares’ reputation. Everyone knows he’s a macho jock—no way in Tartarus would he be caught dead wearing a dress.
IPHY: Are you sure this is wise? Sure, I like the part where I go to the dance with Joxer, but trashing Ares’ rep? I mean, he’s a Jock…and well, I’m a Brain…the last thing any sane Brain would want to do is fight *him.* What do you have against him anyway?
AUTO: He dumped me for Xena.
IPHY: ::sighs:: I’m still not sure if this is such a good idea.
AUTO: Don’t worry about it. If all hell breaks loose, it will happen after the dance, and I’ll be able to protect you.
IPHY: Are you sure?
::WIDOW TWANKY returns, and hands Iphicles a wig that happens to look exactly like Ares’ hair. IPHICLES puts it on.::
IPHY: What do you think?
AUTO: I love it! It matches your complexion so well…but the dress needs to be a different color.
WT: What about that short red one that he tried on earlier…it looked *so* good on him, except for the
hair color, and now that isn’t a problem…
IPHY: Perfect. I really did like that dress…
WT: Excellent! What about shoes?
AUTO: You definitely need heels. What about 4 inches?
IPHY: I won’t be able to walk in those!
WT: Nonsense! ::hands him a pair a red heels.:: Put those on.
AUTO: ::whistles:: HOT! Joxer will be all over you!
WT: Oh definitely…that dress really becomes you.
IPHY: ::beams:: All right, I’ll take it. All of it.
::IPHICLES changes clothes and hands everything to WT who goes to ring them up.::
IPHY: Are you sure this is okay, Auto? Don’t you want to go to Homecoming too?
AUTO: I’ll be all right. I plan to spend some quality time with Ares and remind him exactly what he’s been missing since he left me.
IPHY: If you say so…
::IPHICLES pays for his purchases and he and AUTO leave the store.::
SCENE THREE: CAESAR’s office. CAESAR is busy doing paperwork when he hears a knock on the door.
CAESAR: Who is it?
VOICE: It’s Julie Tamiki of The Los Angeles Times. I’d like to ask you a few questions..
::suspense/to be continued music plays::
Next week, on Athens, Greece, 90210:
Will Caesar answer the reporters questions?
Will Pompey live for failing Caesar by not controlling all the media?
Will Hercules take the ROTC on a conquering spree?
Will Iphicles go through with the deception?
Will we see Auto show Ares what he’s been missing?
Will we find out what Xena and Ares have been up to?
All this and more, on the next episode of: Athens, Greece, 90210!
::Theme music plays. You see Caesar, Velasca, Callisto, Iphicles, Ares, Autolycus, Hercules and the two Iolauii, plus a graphic for special guest star Hera ::
: Scene 1: Caesar looks at the reporter standing in the door. With a smile of fake sincerity, he ushers her in.:
Caesar: So, Miss Tamiki, what can I do for you?
Tamiki: You can call me Julie, Mr.Caesar?
Caesar: Call me Emperor.
Tamiki: Okay, Emperor. I have a few questions I would like to ask.
Caesar: Who gave you this assignment?
Tamiki: What do you mean?
Caesar: I want to know who gave you this assignment.
Tamiki: <pausing slightly> Perry White.
Caesar: Very funny, Ms. Tamiki. We both know that you are lying to me and I hate being lied to. Now tell me who gave you this assignment.
Tamiki <fidgets> No one. I heard one of your people threatening my boss, and I decided to check it out.
Caesar <sighs> Why is it that female reporters are so brave, but so stupid? <Yells> POMPEY!
<Pompey runs into the room and salutes>
Pompey: Yes, Lord Caesar?
Caesar: Escort our "guest" to the prison, and call into the LA Times with a warning about behavior like this in the future. Then come back, we have a little matter to discuss about your failing me.
<Pompey gulps, then grabs Tamiki. She puts up a struggle, but Pompey is too strong for her. Pompey leads her out of the room. >
Caesar: Good help is so hard to find these days.
<Scene 2: Xena sits in her bedroom, going over the contents in her backpack again. Grappling hook, rope, handcuffs, knife, grenades, and a map of the school. >
Xena: I am going to nail that bastard for killing Gabrielle. And I am going to have fun doing it too!
<Picks up the phone>
Xena: Better make sure that Ares is going to be there as planned.
<Phone ringing. Ares' voice is heard>
Ares: Yeah? Who in Tartarus are you, and what do you want?
Xena: Nice way to greet your friends.
<Split screen shows Ares and Xena>
Ares: Yeah, sorry, damn telemarketers are driving me crazy.
Xena: Whatever, are we still on for tonight?
Ares: You bet. I would not miss this for the world. Meet you out back in 20 minutes.
Xena: I'll be there.
<Ares hangs up. Just as Xena is about to, she hears a click, but thinks nothing of it.
<Flash of Valesca grinning>
<Xena hangs up, and grabs her gear>
<Scene 3: Caesar is pacing in his throne room, and Pompey is watching nervously>
Caesar: Remind me, what was your assignment regarding the press?
Pompey: To create a blackout, so that no news of your activities would be released.
Caesar: Very good. So, tell me, Pompey. What was that reporter doing here?
Pompey: She was here to write a story about the new uniforms? <Nervous laugh>
Caesar: <mock laughs> Very funny. Now give me a reason *not* to kill you.
Pompey: I'll do what ever you want. You want me to do your homework? Fine. I'll do all your chores, drive you anywhere you want to go.
Caesar: Enough! I have something.different in mind. Do you swear to follow my every command?
Pompey: <hesitantly> Yes.
Caesar: Good. You can start, by stripping.
<Caesar slaps Pompey. >
Caesar: Disobeying me is not a good idea right now. I said STRIP! And from now on, you will call me Master, got it?
<Pompey strips and clothes drop to the floor>
Caesar: <smiles> Next time that Master should come faster, but no matter.we have plenty of time to get you good and trained.
<Scene Four: Ares enters the kitchen. Hera is seen cooking>
Ares: Hey Mom. I'm going out overthrow Caesar.
Hera: That's nice Ares, be home by midnight.
Ares: <trying not to whine> But MOM! I'm taking over the school! Can't I have a *little* more time?
Hera: <sigh> All right. But be back by two!
Ares: <smiles> Thanks mom!
<Ares walks outside, where Auto is hiding in the bushes. Auto jumps out and tackles Ares, covering the jock's mouth with a chloroform soaked rag. >
Auto: This is going to be sweet.
<AUTO puts Ares in the car, and as he drives away, picks up car phone and calls Iphicles>
Auto: Hey Iphicles! Guess what I just caught me! <Mumbles> I just caught me Ares! Want to come play? <Mumbles> Great! I'll see you in an hour!
<Scene Five. >Xena paces nervously, waiting for Ares>
Xena: Where is that bastard? He was supposed to be here by now! I should wait a little longer.forget it. I can do this by myself!
<Xena throws her grappling hook and lands it on the edge of the roof. She climbs up and nearly falls off at the scene in the window>
<Pompey has been secured to an A-frame. Whip marks, and a few small trails of blood cover his body. Caesar is standing next to Pompey, holding a riding crop next to his thigh>
Caesar <whispering>: You are doing so well my pet...you like being my pet, don't you?
Pompey: Oh yes, Master.
Caesar <backs off, and starts talking at a normal voice> You know Pompey, I had expected that it would have taken longer to break you. So either you are weaker than I thought, or submissive. Either way, you're mine now, mine to please.mine to punish. Mine to take.
<Caesar moves behind Pompey and thrusts into Pompey's virgin ass, dry. Caesar gasps as Pompey yells>
Caesar: Who would have thought that *you* would be a virgin? Gods you are so damn tight!!
<Caesar continues to fuck Pompey hard, as an external shot shows Xena beginning to masturbate>
<Velasca suddenly appears and grabs the rope that Xena is hanging on and shakes it, causing Xena to fall to the ground. Velasca leans over Xena. >
Velasca: Having fun, Xena? <Grins evilly>
<Shot fades back to Caesar/Pompey just as Caesar cums>
Caesar: Thank you for the wonderful fuck, pet.
Pompey: Thank you, Master for fucking me so hard.
Caesar: Very good pet, your training is coming along well. Still, you still have to be punished for failing me earlier.
Pompey: But Master, I thought.this.was my punishment.
Caesar <smacks Pompey on the ass with the crop>: Well, it was going to be, but as I was whipping you, I decided on two things. One: That you were enjoying this too much for it is punishment. Two: That I need an example to be made. Now, I can't go and kill everyone who displeases me, soon there would be no one in the school left to rule, so I figured out an even better way to do this. You, my pet, are going to spend the next day displayed for the whole school to see. Imagine pet, spending the day outside, the warm sun highlighting your gloriously nude, bruised body for the world to see. <leaning in closer> Maybe, I should add a few more bruises, what do you think? Maybe a knife mark or two? Show the school *exactly* what they have to fear.
Pompey. <Whimpers> Master.please.
Caesar: Please, what? *Pet*
Pompey: I will spend the day outside if you wish, but please let me cum first!
Caesar <standing up, looking surprised>: Normally, I wouldn't tolerate a comment like that, but using I'm not so bad about neglecting my lovers.still. you bring up a good point. Tell you what I will do, pet. I will let you stroke yourself until you cum. I will then take you and tie
you to my bed, where you will go to sleep, and at first light in the morning, I will take you outside, tie you up, make you hard and put a cock ring on you, just so you have something else to concentrate on besides your
Caesar: I'm glad you are looking forward to it. Now, once I unchain you, you will start stroking yourself...you have one minute to cum, or else that cock ring goes on tonight.
<Caesar unchains Pompey. Just as Pompey begins to stroke himself, Velasca drags in a bound and gagged Xena>
Caesar: Well, well, looked what we have here.
Velasca: She was spying outside your window, Emperor. She must have liked what she was seeing. I found her playing with herself.
<Pompey yells as he comes>
<Caesar turns around>
Caesar: Good pet. Stay there, I'll get you ready for bed in a second. <Turns back to Xena> Well, well, so it isn't the bard's bitch.
<Xena tries to attack Caesar, but Velasca easily holds her back>
Caesar <continues, not noticing the attempt> You must be pretty horny since Gabrielle met that unfortunate end.Velasca, interrogate her. See what she was up to, if she had any conspirators, that sort of thing. See if you can't help her with her.problem.just one thing Velasca.
<Velasca looks up, as if snapping out of a daydream>
Velasca: Yes, Emperor?
Caesar: Don't kill her.
Will Xena stay alive in almost one piece?
Will Pompey survive the day outside?
What will happen to the reporter, if anything?
What about Iphicles, Auto and Ares? Or Herc and the Iolaii and the Homecoming Dance?
Some of this and more, in the next installment of Athens Greece, 90210!!!!!!
<Scene Herc's Bedroom. Herc is modeling the tuxedo he got for Homecoming, while the Iolaii are watching appreciatively.>
Herc: So, what do you guys think?
Herc: <blushes> Please Iolaus, not now.
Iolaus2: Oh, definitely Herc. Even if we didn't have Caesar on our side, we 'd still win this thing.We still do have Caesar on our side, right?
Herc: <nods> I've been training with the ROTC. You know; those boys were pretty well trained before I started working with them, and *some* of them seem awfully old to be in high- school. come to think of it, have you guys seen any of the ROTC cadets in any of your classes? Or walking in the hallways between classes?
<Iolaii look puzzled>
Herc: <deep in thought, but shrugs it off> Oh well, we can worry about them later, now, what are you two going to wear to the big dance on Saturday?
Iolaus: This is where we ran into the problem.
Herc: What kind of problem?
Iolaus: Well, you see, there was this really killer dress in Widow Twanky's shop.
Iolaus2: Yeah! It was short and red, and looks *really* hot.
Iolaus: Would you let me finish?!
Iolaus2: Fine. Finish.
Iolaus: Thank you. Anyway, we were going to both get the same dress, but they only had one left. It fits both of us, but we can't figure out who is going to get to wear it.
Herc: You mean you *want* to go in drag?
Iolaus: Yeah, why not? I mean, I have to wear pants to school everyday. Why can't I wear a dress?
Iolaus2: Now, I laid eyes on the dress first, so therefore I should get to wear it, right?
Iolaus: Not right! I have better legs!
Iolaus2: What the fuck are you talking about? We are more than identical twins? We have the same exact legs!
Iolaus: I was here first! I get to wear the dress!
Iolaus2: Do you think I really wanted to come here?
Iolaus: Of course, you do, you twit! You said so in the very first episode!
Iolaus2: Episode? What in Tartarus are you talking about?
Iolaus: Forget that, I'm wearing the dress!!!!
Herc: ENOUGH! Now, you two better settle this argument *right* now, or else I'm going to
spank both your asses and tear up that dress to use as bonds!
<Iolaii's eyes gleam>
Iolaus: Why don't you wear the dress, I'm sure it would look better on you.
Iolaus2: Oh, no, dear twin, I must *insist* that you wear the dress. I'm sure it will look *much* better on you.
Iolaus: I was wrong earlier, you have the nicer legs.
Herc: You two.. I'm giving you to the count of three.
Iolaus2: You wear it!
Iolaus: You wear it!
Iolaus2: You wear it!
Herc: Three! That's it! Give me the dress, NOW!
<Iollai grin. Iolaus2 runs to grab the dress. >
Iolaus2: Here you go. <tosses it to Herc>
Herc: You were fighting over this?
Iolaus: Yeah, what's wrong with it?
Herc: Oh, nothing. It's just that that is what Iphicles is going to wear.
Iolaus2: Good thing we aren't going to have that dress anymore, right Herc?
<Herc tears the fabric and grins>
Herc: Now who is going to go first..?
:: THEME MUSIC PLAYS, CREDITS ROLE PLUS SIGN FOR GUEST-STAR STRIFE::
<SCENE 1: AUTOLYCUS' house. AUTO and IPHICLES watch their kidnapped lover ARES wake up.>
AUTO: Did you have fun Ares?
ARES: You sniveling worms! Let me go!
IPHICLES: I don't think so. You made a fool of Autolycus, so we are just repaying the favor.
ARES: What do you mean I made a fool of him?
AUTO: You dumped me for Xena!
IPHICLES: Dumping for Joxer, one of the Iolaii or even our half-brother Herc is kosher, but Xena, a woman, is not.
ARES: <dumbfounded>: But this was weeks ago!
AUTO: So? It took me time to acquire the bondage equipment!
<PAN SHOT OF ARES reveals: Ares is tied to an A frame, clamps are on both of his nipples, a cock ring circles a by now bluish erection. Ares' ass is a deep red, and was obtained by the collection of paddles and crops seen lining the walls>
ARES: <too calmly> All right, fine. I dumped you for Xena when I shouldn't have. Honestly, I *really* shouldn't have. That girl is such a waste of a lay, but no matter, take of this thrice-damned ring and let me COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<CLICK OF A POLAROID CAMERA IS HEARD>
ARES: What in Tartarus.
IPHICLES: I'm just adding some still shots to our collection.
ARES: <temporarily forgetting about the cock ring> What collection?
AUTO: <grinning> We have a couple of camera's set up around the room. <points one out> We've been taping everything since you got here.from when we paddled you to your begging to be release.
IPHICLES: Moans of pleasure, you begging to be allowed to cum.
AUTO: In short, Ares-boy, we've got the whole session here on tape, and if you don't do as we say, everyone in school is going to get a copy. You see, our reputations don't matter, but we know that yours does...after all, would Joxer really want to date you after seeing this?
ARES: <quickly regaining composure.> What do you want?
AUTO: Simple. For the next week, you will be our slave. When you are not in school, you will be here. Disobey us once, and everyone will see this *lovely* film.<hands massage ARES' sore balls>
ARES <moans> I'll do anything! Just take this ring off me.
IPHICLES MOVES FORWARD AND SMACKS ARES' ALREADY SORE ASS
IPHICLES: <whispering> Beg nicely, and I will.
ARES: Take off this ring now, so when this week is up, I don't KILL YOU!
AUTOLYCUS and IPHICLES GLANCE AT EACH OTHER
AUTO: Good enough.
IPHICLES NODS, AUTO RELEASES THE RING, IPHICLES' QUICKLY BENDS DOWN TO SWALLOW ARES' CUM.
AUTO: Happy now?
ARES: Yes. Thank you.
AUTO: Good <STROKES ARES' COCK-TO SEMI-HARDNESS AND SLIPS THE RING BACK ON>
ARES: What the fuck?!
IPHICLES: Watch your mouth! This is a TV-14 rated soap!
IPHICLES: It is!
<AUTO AND ARES EXCHANGE GLANCES>
AUTO: Okay, Iphicles, if you say so. anyway, I put the ring back on as an incentive to behave yourself, This is a special cock-ring that Strife made. There is a really neat trick to opening it, one that you will not figure out in a million-years.
ARES: Strife made this? The Strife we know?
ARES: Who knew that geek would be so talented.
IPHICLES: You leave Strife alone!
IPHICLES: <BLUSHES> Lots of reasons. One, those of us with bad hairstyles has to stick together.
<ARES and AUTO EXCHANGE GLANCES AGAIN>
<AUTO WALKS OVER TO ARES AND PLACES A LEASH AND COLLAR ON ARES, THEN FREES ARES' HANDS ONLY TO CUFF THEM BEHIND ARES' BACK. FREEING ARES' LEGS, AUTO LEADS ARES TO A CORNER IN THE BASEMENT, AUTO CHAINS ARES TO THE WALL, BUT WITH ENOUGH SLACK THAT ARES CAN LIE DOWN>
ARES: What are you doing?
AUTO: This is where you'll be sleeping for the next week <PUTS A BLANKET OVER THE NAKED, ERECT ARES. IPHICLES KISSES ARES, AND THEN GRABS AUTO'S HAND>
IPHICLES: Come on, lover, let's go plan what to do with our new toy for the next week.
<ARES CURSES CAN BE HEARD AS THE SCENE FADES OUT>
<SCENE TWO: THE NEXT DAY. BACK AT THE HIGH SCHOOL IT IS LUNCH. ARES, AUTO, IPHICLES, JOXER AND STRIFE ARE SITTING AROUND A PICNIC TABLE. POMPEY'S BRUISED, NAKED BODY CAN BE SEE IN THE BACKGROUND>
JOXER: Hey Strife! Where ya been?
STRIFE: Who me? Well, you know Homecoming Game is Friday, right?
STRIFE: Well, Emperor Caesar wants to make sure that the school doesn't lose the first game of his regime, so he had me take care of the opposing team.
ARES: <EYES NARROWING> What did you do?
STRIFE: <GIGGLING> I can't really say, ya know, Caesar made me promise not to, but let's just say that the starting line and their back-ups won't be able to play for quite some time.
<BEFORE ANYONE CAN COMMENT, HERC AND THE IOLAII ENTER. THE IOLAII ARE TRANSFIXED AT THE SIGHT OF POMPEY AND SEEM TO BE WALKING A LITTLE FUNNY>
HERC: What happened to Pompey? And have any of you guys seen Xena? She was supposed to help me stop to bullies that are taking the freshmen's lunch money.
JOXER: I heard that Pompey disobeyed Caesar, and so this was his method of both teaching Pompey a lesson and warning us not to do the same. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Xena all day. That's strange. She never misses school.
IOLAUS: <PULLING HIMSELF AWAY FROM SIGHT OF NAKED POMPEY, TURNS TOWARDS ARES> Weren't you and Xena going to try to overthrow Caesar or something?
<AUTO and IPHICLES GLARE AT ARES>
ARES: I was, but I was busted by mom for not cleaning out the peacock cage.
STRIFE: <RAISES EYEBROWS IN DISBELIEF> Really?
ARES: <GROWLS AT STRIFE>
IOLAUS2: Wow...Pompey sure is good looking.<SITS DOWN AND JUMPS UP BECAUSE OF HIS SORE ASS, MUTTERING> Man, next time, don't be so harsh, Herc.<LOUDER> I heard that Xena got caught by Velasca and that she is being turned into Velasca's new slave.
IOLAUS <SHUDDERS> Do you know the life expectancy of one of her slaves is 1.23 weeks?
AUTO: Where did you hear this?
IOLAUS: School paper
HERC: Man, I should read the school paper. Damn! I've missed out of some good stuff.
<IOLAUS2 IS SCRIBBLING IN A SMALL BOOK>
STRIFE: Whatcha writing?
IOLAUS2: I'm scheduling time for Xena's funeral
<LOOKS OF DISBELIEF ALL AROUND>
IOLAUS2: What? I'm just being practical.
HERC: That's disgusting. We are not even sure she's dead yet.
IOLAUS2: The way I figure it, Velasca is like the Sovereign in that Killing as hobby thing, and when I was with the Sov, I had a book with not but execution times, so that I would always be available to provide some additional entertainment. At any rate, now I know I won't have a time conflict. <SMILES>
HERC: Man, Iolaus, you really need some therapy.
IPHICLES: So is everyone ready for Homecoming dance? <IPHICLES and AUTO EXCHANGE KNOWING LOOKS. JOXER SMILES SWEETLY AT ARES. STRIFE BOUNCES UP AND DOWN>
ARES: Wow, Strife, I'd say you're excited. So whom are you going with?
STRIFE <BEAMING> Caesar and Pompey
ALL EXCEPT STRIFE: WHAT?!?!?!
STRIFE: Well, Caesar was so pleased with me, that he's allowing me to be his consort. Pompey is Caesar's pet, so he's going with us, but he'll be more of a footrest, than anything else.
HERC: You know this is crazy, oh, forget about it. It's not worth it.
STRIFE: <SMILES> Wise move, Herc-ola, you wouldn't want to lose the election, would you?
<HERC AND IOLAII BLUSH>
IPHICLES: <NOT WANTING TO THINK OF IMPLICATIONS> Damn, Alcmene never said high school would be like this.
<BELL RINGS. GOOD-BYES ARE EXCHANGED>
Will Xena survive the full 1.23 week duration as Velasca's slave? Will Pompey be let down anytime soon?
Will Strife join in Caesar and Pompey's games?
What will Auto and Iphicles do with their slave?
Stay tuned as we get ever so closer to the big Homecoming Dance! On Athens, Greece, 90210
<INTRO MUSIC PLAYS, CREDITS ROLE, SHOWING STRIFE AND ATHENA AS GUEST STARS>
<IT IS THE NEXT DAY. INTERIOR SHOT: ATHENA IS TEACHING A CLASS IN ECONOMICS. AUTO AND IPHICLES ARE EXCHANGING GLANCES. ARES IS SHIFTING UNCOMFORTABLY, MUTTERING CURSES AND GLARING AT AUTO AND IPHICLES. JOXER IS STARING OFF INTO SPACE, STRIFE IS READING WHILE HUMMING TO HIMSELF>
ATHENA: . And which one of these factors will not influence the demand of
ATHENA: Well? Since I can't seem to get your attention any other way, I
thought I might use examples that are relevant to today's youth.
ATHENA: Anybody? Um . . .Callisto?
CALLISTO: <SMIRKING>Whomever Joxer's fucking this week!
JOXER: <INDIGNANT> Hey!
ATHENA: She's right, you know. Joxer, the person you are fucking this week
will influence the quantity demanded. If you are with someone like, say, Iphicles, the amount you will need will decrease.
IPHICLES: Hey! That's not fair! I have stamina!!
AUTOLYCUS <Comforting> There, there. . .we'll work on your stamina after
school <GLANCES SIDELONG AT ARES>
IPHICLES: <DREAMY LOOK> All right, anything to improve my stamina.
<ARES GROWLS, THEN WINCES AS HE SHIFTS SORE ASS ON THE HARD WOOD>
ATHENA <IGNORING THE CONVERSATION> And you're consumption of condoms will go up if you are sleeping with someone like Ares. Someone known for his ability to "Stay Up All Night"
<CLASS GIGGLES AGAIN. ARES SCOWLS>
ARES <GRUMBLING> I'm going to kill them. . .no, first I'm going to do to
them what they've done to me, *then* I'll kill him. Slowly, and painfully. .
.<SMILES AS HE DREAMS OF REVENGE>
<FADEOUT AS ATHENA CALLS THE CLASS TO ORDER>
* * *
<CAESAR'S OFFICE. POMPEY IS UNDER CAESAR'S DESK, SERVING AS A FOOTREST. HE IS WEARING NOTHING BUT A COLLAR, A COCK RING, SOME WELTS AND A VERY RED ASS. ON CAESAR'S DESK ARE A FEW CATALOGS DISPLAYING THE LATEST IN REGAL DOM/SUB WEAR. HE IS BUSY PICKING OUT NEW OUTFITS FOR POMPEY, AS WELL AS AN OUTFIT FOR STRIFE FOR THE DANCE . IN FRONT OF THE DESK STANDS VELASCA, WITH A WORN-OUT LOOKING XENA ON A LEASH>
VELASCA: Sir, my pet is doing not fairing better than any of my other toys. I fully expect her to be dead within the next 4.23 days, give or take an hour or so.
CAESAR: Excellent! Yeah, I know I said in an earlier part not to kill her, but hey, I'm allowed to change my mind. Besides, her contract was just dropped, so we need a way to get her off the show. At any rate, if she is still alive, you can bring her to the dance, but somehow I doubt that she'll be here to see it.
VELASCA: I'll be there for the dance Sir, just do not be surprised if I am late. I can't leave dead toys unattended.
CAESAR: This is very true. Keep up the good work. Oh, and I want you to summons Strife, I need to give him a few pointers of etiquette on being My
Consort, and to get a few. ..measurements.
VELASCA: Very well, my Lord.
<CAESAR SITS BACK IN HIS CHAIR, A SMILE COMING OVER HIS FACE AS HE DREAMS OF WAYS TO ENSURE PROPER BEHAVIOR>
<VELASCA TUGS XENA'S LEASH AND DRAGS HER OUT OF THE ROOM. FADE OUT>
<SCENE THREE. AFTER SCHOOL. ARES IS TALKING TO JOXER.>
JOXER: I can't wait until Saturday and we make everyone so jealous of us.
Think of the fun we'll have afterwards too. <WAGGLES EYEBROWS>
<ARES PURRS SUGGESTIVELY AND THE TWO START TO MAKE OUT, WHEN AUTOLYCUS AND IPHICLES COME UP BEHIND THEM>
AUTOLYCUS: Hey, Ares!
ARES: <GROWLING> Can't you guys see that I'm a bit busy right now?
IPHICLES <COUGHING> Movies.
ARES <EYES WIDEN> Oh, that's right! I had forgotten about that. When does
AUTOLYCUS: We have to leave now, if we are going to make it on time.
JOXER: You're going to a movie without me? <LOOKS HURT>
ARES: Sorry, Joxer. We had this planned for a long time. You wouldn't like
JOXER: Why? What's is it about?
<AUTOLYCUS POINTS AT HIS WATCH>
ARES: Er. Um. A war documentary.
JOXER: <SIGHING> Oh, all right. I need to study Economics anyway. Have fun.
IPHICLES: <CHEERFULLY>We'll see you tomorrow, Joxer!
<A DARK ROOM SOMEWHERE ON CAMPUS. IT IS VELASCA'S PLAYROOM. PADDLES, WHIPS, AND OTHER INSTRUMENTS ALIGN THE WALLS. THERE IS A CABINET IN THE CORNER WHERE CANDLE, CLAMPS, AND OTHER SMALL ITEMS ARE CONTAINED. THE REST OF THE ROOM IS FILLED WITH VARIOUS BONDAGE PARAPHERNALIA. XENA IS DANGLING BY HER ARMS. SUDDENLY, THE SCENE GOES BLACK, THEN THE PICTURE RETURNS. THE ROOM IS NOW EMPTY, SAVE VELASCA AND A CENSOR>
OBNOXIOUS VOICE (AKA THE CENSOR) : Stop everything!! You can't show this!! This is a PG-14 show!!!!! <PANICS>
VELASCA: What the hell are you talking about?!
CENSOR: This is clearly explicit material that our home viewers have no inclination to see. At all. Whatsoever. This is not an accurate depiction of the real world. We can not air this.
VELASCA: <ROLLS EYES AND FIREBALLS THE GUY> Idiot. Now I have to go find my slave again. Caesar'll be pissed if she's not dead and buried in the next
few days. Not to mention I'll mess up Iolaus2's date book. *
<SCENE FIVE. FADE IN. THE SCHOOL'S PE FIELD. HERC AND THE IOLAII ARE DRILLING THE ROTC SOLDIERS WITH THE POWERFUL WEAPONS THAT CAESAR HAS MANAGED TO ACQUIRE>
HERCULES: Very good! Excellent turn! Brandon. . .stop pointing that gun at
Dylan! <SPIES THE IOLAII> What brings you two here?
IOLAUS: We just wanted to see how the training was going. Is everything on
HERCULES: Pretty much. They've got group movement down, in a few minutes we
are going to start on intimidation tactics. I think that if we get this done even faster than Emperor Caesar demands, that we might get a bonus. He was talking to me about some sex toys that I'd love to try..
IOLAUS2: <NODS> Mmm. <PAUSES> Wait a minute. Shouldn't we be protesting that this is wrong or something? I mean, it's a fair price to pay for the
crown, but aren't we supposed to have a conscious?
HERCULES <THINKS> Naah. Who cares if the elementary school kids are brought up to treat Caesar like a god. We're going to be *Homecoming Kings* <AWED> Think of it! Nothing is better than that!!!
IOLAUS: Except Prom Kings.
HERCULES: That's for next semester. Did that answer your question, Iolaus?
IOLAUS2: I thought as much, I just had that weird nagging feeling for a second there. <SHRUGS> There. Gone.
HERCULES: Good. <YELLS OUT> Okay everyone, it's time to learn how to glare
<SCENE SIX. STRIFE KNOCKS ON CAESAR'S DOOR.>
<STRIFE WALKS HESITANTLY INTO THE ROOM. POMPEY IS BOUND, GAGGED AND HANGING UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE CEILING. VARIOUS FETISH WEAR IS STREWN ABOUT THE CHAIRS, AND A WHIP LIES STRAY ON THE FLOOR>
CAESAR: We need to have a little talk.
Will Strife still be excited to go as Caesar's Consort?
Will Hercules, the Iolaii and the ROTC take over the elementary school?
Will we ever see what Velasca is doing to Xena?
Will we find out what Autolycus and Iphicles are doing to Ares?
Will Joxer pass his Economics class?
Will we ever get to the Big Dance?
Find out the answers to only some of these questions in the next installment
of..ATHENS, GREECE 90210!!!!