Just Like Romeo and Juliet...Not!!
By Kelly
(Scene:  A broad-shouldered man with strawberry curls stands on a high balcony of his palace.  His arms are folded, and he is leaning out over the balcony, gazing into the dark gardens below.  Unseen in the garden, stands a tall pale man, helmet off, armor rattling quietly.  The pale man speaks.)

Joxer:  He jests at scars that never felt a wound.  (loud crashing as he trips over a rosebush.)  But, soft!  What light through yonder window breaks?  It is the east, and Iphicles' hair burns like the sun!  Arise, my cock, and salute the beautiful man who stands above me, rise to see that he is far more fair than I.  Be not his suitor, since he ignores you, his livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it, cast it off.  It is my king; O, it is my love!  O, that he knew he were!  He speaks, and yet he says nothing, what of that?  His eye discourses, I will answer it.  I cannot speak, I don't know what to say.  Two bottles of the finest copper hair color, having nothing better to do, decided to use themselves in his service, dying his silky locks.  The brightness of his hair shames the brightest stars as daylight doth a lamp.  His hair in the heavens would shine so bright the birds would sing and think it were not night!  See, how he rests his hand upon his cock?  Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand to touch that cock!

(Iphicles grunts with his stroking)

Oh, he cries out!  Cry again, my king, for thou art as glorious to me as the god who was once my lover!

Iphicles:  Oh, Joxer, Joxer, wherefore art thou, my Joxer?  Deny thy lover and refuse his cock, or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my lover, and I'll no longer be Corinthian King.

Joxer:  Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?

Iphicles:  'Tis but our lover that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though you're also Ares' lover.  Who's Ares, but the God who could kick my ass?  He's not a lover, not gentle, not careful, nor anything else that would earn the love of a man.  O, be someone else's lover!  What's in a lover?  That whom we call lover, could fuck just as well.  So Joxer could, were he not Ares' lover, retain his attraction and virility.  Joxer, get rid of Ares, and for ridding thy lover, have all myself.

(Joxer stumbles forward into the light, temporarily boldened.)

Joxer:  I take thee at thy word!  Call me but love, and I'll get rid of Ares!  Henceforth I never will be his lover!

Iphicles:  What man art thou, thus bescreen'd in night...oh, Joxer, it's you!!  My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words of thy tongue's utterance, but my body knows well its work!  How cams't thou hither and wherefore?  The castle walls are high and hard to climb (and you're not exactly graceful) and death to you if Ares finds you here!

Joxer:  With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out!  And what love can do, dare love attempt... therefore Ares is no threat to me.

Iphicles:  If he does see thee, he will murder thee.

Joxer:  Alack, there lies more peril in thine eyes than in his sword... look at me sweetly and I am proof against his enmity.

Iphicles:  I would not for the world he saw thee here!

Joxer:  I have night's cloak to hide me from his eyes.  And but thou love me, let them find me here, my life were better ended by his hate than lacking in thy love.

Iphicles:  Thou know'st the mask of night is on my body, else would a hardon my desires bespeak.  Do you love me?  I know you will say yes and I will take you at your word.  But if you swear it , you might prove false because those damn gods just love to toy with mortal's affections.

Joxer:  Oh, Iphy!  By yonder blessed moon I swear.

Iphicles:  Swear not by the moon!  That inconstant moon that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest your love be likewise variable!

Joxer:  What shall I swear by then?

Iphicles:  If you've got to swear by something, swear by your own sweet self, which (instead of Ares) is the god of my idolatry!

Joxer:  All right, Iphicles... if that's what you want....I swear...

Iphicles:  Oh, swear not.  Although I joy in thee, we're going a LITTLE bit too fast here, I'd like to throw on the brakes a second and think.  Good night, good night, as sweet repose and rest fall to thy breast!

Joxer:  Are you going to leave me so unsatisfied?

Iphicles:  I can't jerk you off or fuck you or blow you, Joxer... what satisfaction can I give you tonight?

Joxer:  Well, I was thinking more along the lines of you saying "I love you back..."

Iphicles:  Weren't you just listening, I already said that.  But to make you happy, I will take it back.

Joxer:  Take it back?

Iphicles:  So I can say it again.


Iphicles:  Oh, shit.  Let me go calm him down, I'll be right back.  (exit Iphicles.)

Joxer:  He'd better come back, or else I'm afraid I'm dreaming all this.

(Re-enter Iphicles on the balcony)
Iphicles:  Just a couple more things.  If you're ready to run away with me, I'll send somebody over to talk to you and set up a time, and he'll bring the word back to me.  And then it'll be you and me against the world.

Ares:  IPHICLES!!!

Iphicles:  HOLD YOUR HORSES!  (to Joxer)  But if you're just jerking my chain--


Iphicles:  KEEP YOUR PANTS ON, DAMMIT!!!-- I ask you to knock it off now and just tell me.  Tomorrow I'll send Hercules to you.

Joxer:  I can't wait!!!

Iphicles:  Good night, good night, parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow!


The End