Before The Vacation
"Well Iph, are we going to or not?" Iolaus was giddy and Iphicles was no better. Sharing two flasks of wine had them both thinking evil thoughts.
"Iolaus," Iphicles slurred. "We could end up in Tartarus for this...you do realize that don't you?"
"Nah," Iolaus giggled. "Hades won't let that happen. He knows Herc will come for me...and you too. Aren't you getting sick of the fighting?"
"Yeah...but why am I involved?" Iphicles was fighting a losing battle to keep his eyes open.
"You're fucking Ares aren't you?" Iolaus asked point blank.
"What makes you say that?" Iphicles had fallen into a chair.
Iolaus grinned. "I was taking a message to the Big Bad God of War last month...from Artemis. Walked into the temple and saw you fucking him on his altar." He nodded and fell to the floor. "Yep...saw you fucking Ares."
Iph looked at him through half-closed eyes. "Does Herc know?"
"Huh?" Iolaus was almost passed out.
"About me and Ares?"
"Good...because I wanna keep it that way."
"Okay," Iolaus said, his head flopping back on the floor.
"Can't even hold your wine," Iph said, before he passed out too.
The next morning, both men got up, very hungover, but managed to make their way to Zeus' temple.
"Now what?" Iphicles asked.
Iolaus shrugged. "Zeus...could we talk to you for a moment?"
The King of the Gods appeared, and Iphicles stepped back. In all the years, since Hercules was born, he'd never met his brothers father, and he was a bit intimidated...and scared.
"Relax Iphicles," Zeus said with a smile. "We should have met sooner. Now what can I do for you boys?"
"We're sick of Herc and Ares fighting," Iolaus said.
"Can you do something about it?" Iphicles asked.
"What would you have me do? They're boys, and boys fight. Nothing I can do about it." He turned to leave, but Iolaus pulled him back.
"Come on Zeus. It's getting ridiculous. They had a fight last week because Ares painted one of his temples purple and Herc said he did it on purpose because he knows it's Herc's favorite color."
The God laughed. "Why else would Ares paint his temple purple?"
"It's not funny!" Iolaus snapped. He was at his wit's end, not to mention very hung over. "Do something!" He grabbed Zeus by the shirt. "We can't take it!"
Iph stepped back, expecting Iolaus to be turned into a toad or something. You just don't grab the King of the God's. But all Zeus did was smile at the hunter.
"All right Iolaus. I'll do something. I don't know what yet, but something. Will that make you happy?" Iolaus nodded. "Good." He turned away, but turned back. "And Iolaus, please stop Hercules from eating all that possum stew. It's not good for his stomach."
"I know...but you try to tell the big guy that he's having rabbit for the fourth day in a row."
Zeus just nodded and vanished.
"Hope he does something good," Iphicles said.
"I do too," Iolaus answered.
Ares was directing a war in Thrace when *it* happened. He was about to kick some ass when he realized he didn't have *his* powers. He had powers, but everytime he waved his hand, his warriors started kissing. "What is going on here?" He went to punch an opposing warrior, but tongue kissed the man instead. He backed away from the battle, went to a nearby tavern, and proceeded to drink everything the house had to offer.
Hercules was on his way to Corinth to see Iphicles and to pick up Iolaus. Iolaus had been recovering from a few broken ribs and the demigod had thought it a good idea if he rested while Herc took out a warlord. He stopped in a shady glade and sat to rest. He had just closed his eyes, when he heard his brother's voice. Ares yanked him to his feet, Herc opened his eyes, and saw his brother was in a panic. "Herc...Herc ya gotta help me. I can't take it. Kissing. Everyone. Doesn't matter who. Salmoneus. Autolycus. Gabrielle. *Eris!* I nearly kissed that wretched cook too...but I didn't, thank the Gods."
"Falafel?" Herc grinned.
"Please," Ares was moaning now. "You gotta help." He burst into tears and Herc didn't know what to do. So he just held his brother, patting him on the back.
"There, there Ares," he said, rolling his eyes. "Now tell me what happened."
"It started yesterday, during that battle I had going outside Thrace. All was going well. Punches, kicks, lots of blood. You know, the usual stuff. Then I wanted to make my warriors fight harder. Instead they started kissing. I went to punch out the opposing army's leader. Instead, I kissed him. And I kissed him. And I didn't stop until he started to pull at my pants."
"Is that all Ares?" Hercules asked, still grinning.
Ares pulled away. "No, that is *not* all. I went to a tavern and tried to get drunk. Drank everything they had. Then I kissed the serving wench. Then the barman. There were two little kids outside and I kissed them both on the cheek, and patted their dog on the head. HERCULES YOU GOTTA HELP ME!"
"Just don't kiss *me*," Herc said. He suddenly realized what he was doing and pushed Ares away. "*What* am I doing? Get away from me. Deal with it. You're a God and I don't even like you." He started to walk away.
Ares dropped to his knees. "Please Herc, I have nobody else to ask. I've been to everyone's temples and no one is answering me."
Hercules continued to walk, his thoughts jumbled. 'Why should I help him? All he does is cause me trouble. Because he's your brother stupid. Yeah, we share a father, but that's it. But if you don't help him, how's it going to look? He won't appreciate it. But you help strangers? Yeah but....' Aloud he told the voices, "SHUT UP!" He turned back, and took a deep breath. "Okay Ares, I'll help you. But on one condition." Ares nodded. "When you're back to normal, I want no wars for two months. Got it?"
"Two months. I know what your job is, but there's no reason why Greece can't have a couple of months off. That's my stipulation. Take it or leave it." He stood waiting for an answer, and finally got a nod. "Okay. I'm on my way to Corinth. We'll stop in one of 'Dite's temple. Maybe she can tell us what happened."
Hercules was still disbelieving at what had happened until they reached a town. Ares kissed the bakery lady, the blacksmith, two hookers, and a Hestian priestess (who kicked him in the groin). Instead of stopping to eat, (and he was very hungry), Herc finally dragged him out of town.
"Aunt Hestia's going to kill you. And I'm going to watch." Hercules couldn't help smiling.
"You see Herc," Ares was starting to hyperventilate. "Kissing...everyone."
He had Hercules in a panic now. "Ares? Ares!" Herc smacked him and knocked him off his feet. "You're still a God. You still have powers."
Ares stood and faced his brother. "You hit me!" He growled. He pulled his fist back, and Herc was ready for a punch. Instead Ares kissed him...hard.
Herc pushed him away, out of breath. "Don't do that again Ares or I'll...." He didn't get a chance to finish. Ares kissed him again, and this time the demigod got caught up in the kiss. His arms moved around Ares' waist, and he pulled Ares closer. "You do kiss good." Ares started to say something, but Herc didn't let him finish. This time *he* initiated the kisses, and shortly thereafter, both men had fallen to their knees, continuing with hard bruising kisses. Hercules pushed him away again, and held his arm out. "Ares, I can't anymore. My lips are sore."
Ares shook his head. "Why am I kissing you? Can you please answer me that?"
The demigod ran his hands through his hair, a bit flustered. "How the fuck should I know! Let's try something." Ares nodded and Herc punched him in the face. Ares went down and Herc smiled. "I still hate you...that's a good thing. Now hit me back."
"With pleasure," Ares sneered. Once again he made a fist and drew it back. Once again Herc prepared for a punch. And, once again, Ares kissed him. Both men were out of breath by the time they parted.
"Okay Ares. This has got to be a spell. The nearest temple belongs to Hermes. If *anyone* would know what is going on, *he* would. Let's go."
"I'm never going to live this down," Ares said quietly. "Kissing you." He looked around. "Why do I keep expecting to see 'Dite laughing her ass off?"
"I thought the same thing. Let's just get to the temple and get answers." Ares nodded in agreement and they took off.
They reached Hermes' temple and strolled in. They watched as someone was leaving an offering, but neither one was shocked at who it was.
"Hello Autolycus," both said.
The thief turned and smiled. "Before you say anything Hercules, I'm only leaving a flask of some good wine. Hermes likes that. Besides, I'm on vacation." A raised eyebrow from both son's of Zeus. "Honest. Every year, I take two weeks off and go to Parnasus."
"Parnasus?" Herc asked. "That is the most boring place in Greece...even for me. And I like boring."
"I told ya. I go to rest and relax. No stealing, no con games, no nothing. Just rest. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way." He walked past the two men. "Oh and by the way Ares, you kiss real good." Ares reached an arm out to throttle the thief, instead pulling him into a kiss. Auto broke the kiss. "I can't take that. I gotta go get my rest." Ares reached out to him again but Herc pulled him back.
"Ares, let's just find Hermes." Ares nodded, looking at Autolycus, who just smiled.
"He definitely needs a vacation," Auto said to Hercules. "And so do I."
The two men stood for a moment and shrugged. "*HERMES*!"
The God of Thieves and Liars popped in, his eyes bloodshot and half closed. "This better be good. I was in the middle of a festival...had two women naked and about to...never mind. What do you want?"
"Good to see you too Hermes," Herc sneered. "We just want to know what's happened to Ares. I figured if anyone would know, you would. You seem to know all that goes on on Olympus and we think he's under a spell."
"Noooo...he's not under a spell. He's just in a kissy-face kind of mood." Hermes started to laugh, but his brothers were not amused. Ares started to advance on him. "Go ahead Arry. All you're going to do is kiss me." He laughed even louder, until Hercules walked towards him.
"Ares may be under a spell, but I'm not. And I can kick your ass from here to Olympus." He lifted his brother off the ground. "*TALK*!"
"Okay...okay. Just put me down." Herc shook his head. "Zeus did it."
"Wait a second," Herc said. "*Zeus* did this?! Why?"
"Why don't you ask Iolaus and Iphicles? They asked him to stop you from fighting...so this is what he did. And no, I don't know how long this spell will last, I don't know what you have to do to break it, and I don't know why your lover's asked him to do this. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to get laid."
Hercules put him down. "Okay Hermes. Thanks."
"No problem little bro'." He popped out.
"Zeus..." Ares said. "...it figures. He couldn't just take my powers again. No. He makes me into a kissing fool."
"Yeah," Herc agreed. "He...." Herc paused, and stared at his brother. "What did Hermes mean by 'your lover's'."
Ares backed up. "Now Hercules...I...."
"You're fucking Iphicles!"
"You make it sound so tawdry. What if I am? I like Iph...we're both grown men."
"How long has this been going on Ares?"
"About six months." Ares smiled. "Hercules, there hasn't been anyone else in my bed since him. It's Iphicles and Iphicles alone. I love...." He stopped, wondering what the demigod was going to do, took a deep breath, and continued. "I love him. Whether you choose to believe it or not is your business."
Herc started to say something, but thought better of it...for now. "I'll deal with you and Iphicles later. And that still doesn't explain why Iolaus and Iph would go to Zeus...or why Zeus would do this. We gotta find a way to end this spell Ares. You can't keep kissing everybody."
"Thank you for your words of wisdom," Ares said in a snotty tone. "I wouldn't have figured it out for myself."
"Be nice 'Arry', or I'll leave you like this and maybe you'll kiss Falafel next time." Ares nodded. "Okay, the first thing we need to do is find Iolaus and Iph. Since your powers work, you want to find them and take us there?" A nod and a wave of his hand, but nothing happened. "Well?" Ares tried again...still nothing. "Now he stripped you of your powers."
Ares shook his head. "I don't think so." He pointed to the temple doors and they opened. Walking outside, he nodded at a tree and it was a sapling. "Still have powers...just can't take us anywhere. I guess we'll find out why on the walk to Corinth." Hercules nodded and the two continued on.
Night had fallen, they made camp by a stream, and Hercules was more then a bit cranky, having not eaten all day. He sat against a tree and smiled at his brother. "How about some dinner Ares?"
Ares nodded, and a table appeared in front of them, laden with all kinds of food. Herc walked over and stared. He grabbed a bowl, "nice dishes," and filled it with possum stew. "How did you know I liked possum stew?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Ares asked, a bit indignant.
"Ahhh...the great and powerful Ares knows all," Hercules grinned.
"How would you like *no* dinner?"
Herc's face softened. "Okay. Thank you for the stew."
"That's better," Ares smiled. "And why wouldn't I know? I know Apollo likes brownies with nuts, Artemis enjoys tea with lemon, Heph likes oatmeal cookies...why wouldn't I know that you enjoy possum stew?"
"I guess I figured you didn't care." Herc started to eat, and licked his lips. "Ares, this is the *best* possum stew I ever tasted. Well, next to my mother's." He finished his bowl and leaned back against the tree. "Excellent Ares. Thanks."
"You're welcome," Ares mumbled, and took a seat beside Hercules. "You know, when I was small, me and Heph used to sit outside and stare at the stars. We used to try and figure out what they looked like." He smiled. "Heph had a better imagination. I used to see stars. He saw dogs, and cats, even an elephant once. But not me." He took off his vest and bunched it under his head, laying down and looking up. Hercules took off his shirts and did the same.
Pointing up, Herc said, "What does that look like?"
"What about that?"
"A whole cluster of stars...you know Hercules, this is getting us nowhere. I see *stars*! No more no less."
The demigod smiled. "Look at that group." He pointed. "I see a bow and arrow. And that bunch. I see a hamster."
Ares couldn't help giggling. "It doesn't look like a hamster. It looks like Iphicles when he eats a lemon." Hercules started to laugh.
"He does make the worst faces. Have you ever seen him when he tries to eat fish?"
Ares laughed louder. "Yeah...his eyes crinkle up, and his nose moves funny."
"When mother used to try to get him to eat it, he'd wait until she left the room and give it to me...I ate *everything*. I think she knew, but she never said anything." His face changed. "I miss her. Sometimes when I go back to the house, I just sit at her grave and talk to her. I keep thinking one day she'll answer. Not that you'd know what that was like."
Ares turned to face his brother. "You think because I have Hera for a mother I don't do the same? For me, it's going to Hades' domain and standing at the abyss. She doesn't answer me either. Part of me still hates her for...things...but sometimes I just want to talk. She had her good moods, when she *did* listen to me. They weren't often, but they happened."
Hercules turned. "I'm sorry. I guess I never figured the Gods to do stuff like that. Especially *her*."
"A bitch ninety-nine point nine percent of the time. But that point one percent...she had her moments...when she was a real mother."
Herc reached out a hand and pushed a stray hair out of his brother's face. "Maybe we have more in common then we think."
Ares looked into his brother's eyes. "At least you have Zeus. He hates me. All I ever hear is 'Hercules this', or 'Hercules that'. Everytime you save a town or something, he has to tell me."
"I don't tell him to tell you that. We both know he's hurtful sometimes." He pushed the same hair out of Ares eyes. "You need a haircut."
"You should talk," Ares laughed. A wave of his hand and Herc had no hair.
"Okay Ares, give it back." Herc touched his head, trying to act angry, but couldn't help laughing also. "Give it back!"
"Touchy aren't we...okay." Another wave and Herc had hair again...long flowing blonde hair, like Aphrodite's. He gave Hercules a mirror and said, "Maybe Iolaus will like it."
Herc glowered at him. "C'mon Ares...give me back *my* hair."
"All right. But you do look awfully cute." He returned Herc's hair. "Happy now?"
"Yes...very much so." He found himself staring into the brown eyes that were staring into his blue. "Ares I...."
Hercules reached out his hand, but pulled it back. "I don't know anymore Ares. I started out today just wanting to get to Iolaus. Now I wanna spend more time with you. I don't know why."
"Me too. We never talked before you know."
"Ares, when I was younger, I tried to talk to you. But all you wanted to do was yell at me. All those times Artemis brought me to your temple when I was little. I love Iph, with all my heart, but I wanted you for a big brother too. I mean Hermes and Apollo and Heph, they were all nice to me. But you, all you ever did was yell."
Ares smiled. "I had a rep to uphold. How would it look if the God of War was nice? I never hated you though. I just wanted Zeus to love me like he loved you...or Apollo, or Hermes, or Heph. But it never happened."
"I never hated you either Ares. I don't like you much, but that's because of your job. You just never gave me a chance to love you. I would've you know. I mean I do."
Ares jumped to his feet and looked up. "Oh no...you're not doing this to me Zeus. Gonna make Herc say stupid, mushy stuff, and then tomorrow he hates me again. I don't think so!"
Hercules sprung to his feet and spun his brother around, pushing him against the tree. "How many times do I have to tell you Ares...I'm Hercules. I don't lie. I've loved you since that very first day when Artemis introduced us and you spit on me. I figured that's what the God of War did...spit on people. I was only six." He leaned in and kissed Ares hard. "When I got older, I figured out I wanted you." Another kiss, and the demigod's hands had moved to the God's pants and were slowly pulling them down and off. "But you never wanted me." His hands were fumbling with his own belts, finally
opening them, and getting rid of his own pants. He flipped Ares onto his back, his mouth moving from the God's lips, all the way down his body. "I want *this*!" Herc said, grabbing Ares cock. "And I want it now!" He swallowed Ares cock, his hands bracing on Ares hips, sucking deep, moving his head up, licking lightly at the slit, tasting the precum gathered there, then moving back down, sucking harder.
A few minutes of this, and Ares was fargone and needing. Pulling Herc away, he moved the demigod onto his stomach, and spread his cheeks. "Hercules, I want...."
"Go ahead big brother...I've been waiting quite a few years for this."
His powers still there, he materialized a jar of oil, dipping a finger in and working its way into Hercules tightness. Herc pushed back immediately. "MORE!" Ares' eyes widened at the word, and he pushed another finger in, followed by a third. The demigod was pushing at him and Ares removed his fingers, slowly sheathing his cock. But Hercules was not in the mood to wait, and shifted to his knees, impaling himself on the God's cock. Ares grabbed him by the hair and pulled him closer, slowly fucking him.
"Ares I need...." Herc's voice was ragged.
"I know...." Ares answered, his voice the same. He took Herc's cock in his hand and stroked him, his cock moving in and out faster now, taking Hercules harder.
"HERCULES!" "ARES!" Both men came with a force that shook the ground beneath
Herc collapsed on his stomach, out of breath; Ares followed.
Ares gentled himself from his brother, and turned him onto his back, kissing him. "That was good. Did you enjoy it too?"
"Oh yeah Ares," Herc replied with a leer. "And I'm going to enjoy this *too*." He pushed Ares onto his back and lifted the God's legs onto his shoulders. He was hard again and smiled. "My turn now..." Herc then proceeded to give his brother the most thorough fucking the God had ever experienced. By the time they orgasmed again, both were panting, and neither could move.
"Again?" Both asked, both smiling. "Nahhh...later."
Herc shifted, removing himself, pulled Ares into his arms and the sons of Zeus fell asleep together, both at peace...for the moment at least.
On Olympus, two Gods smiled.
"I told you big brother," Hades said with a grin. "All we had to do was get them to talk and the rest would take care of itself."
"Okay...okay," Zeus replied. "Am I going to have to listen to you gloat for the rest of eternity?"
"Probably," Hades smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my wife. Later bro'" Hades vanished.
Zeus smiled. It had been a good day.
The sons of Zeus arrived in Corinth the next day, on foot, and were greeted by their respective lovers.
The two mortals looked at them, from one to the other.
"Uh-oh Iph. I think Herc knows about you and Ares...and also about what we did." Iolaus started to back up. "I'm sorry Herc. I didn't think it was my place to tell you...and besides I...." His words were stifled by a kiss.
"I love you Iolaus...I just wanted to tell you," Hercules said. He broke the kiss and Iolaus smiled.
"I love you too big guy." He returned the kiss, and Herc tossed his lover over his shoulder.
"We're just going to find an empty room," Herc grinned.
"Sweet Iphicles," Ares moaned, pulling his lover into a kiss as well. He tossed Iph over his shoulder also. "We are too Herc."
"You're not mad?" Iphicles asked. "About what we did?"
Ares shook his head. "No Iph...not mad. Now let's get to your room. I wanna play."
"Sounds good to me," Iph smiled. "By the way Herc, where'd you get the black
"Yeah," Iolaus added. "And Ares, how'd you get a busted lip?"
Herc and Ares looked at each other. "Let's just say things are back to normal."
All four went upstairs, and the castle was shaken to its very foundations for the next day and a half.