What kind of love is this that keeps me hanging on
Despite everything it's doing to me?
What is this love that keeps me coming back for more
When it will only end in misery?Circle - Sarah McLachlan
I don't understand it. Why do you keep going back to her when she treats you like dirt? You pretend not to see the mocking looks, or hear the condescending tone, but I know it hurts you. I've heard the tears in the night. It's those nights when I have to physically stop myself from gathering you up in my arms and taking you away. Going someplace where no one will ever hurt you again. Where no one will ever laugh. I know you long to be a warrior, but you weren't born to take up a life of violence. You were born with the soul of a poet, or a musician. Someone who creates, not destroys. I could make you a warrior, you know. I could snap my fingers and suddenly you'd be able to carry out the most complex of moves. I could mould you into the perfect warrior. Someone so adept that not even Xena could take you on. But I won't. You see, it's your innocence that draws me to you. Your soul shines like a light in the darkness. You can't see it with mortal eyes. But look at you with the eyes of a God and there are times you shine so brightly, that it's painful to look at. But I would never turn away. I couldn't. To turn away would be to deny you. And I will *never* do that - you've have enough people do that to you already. So I'll continue to look, knowing I'll never be able to touch you. You have to understand, it may be your innocence that draws me to you, but it's your innocence that keeps me away. I could never live with myself if you were drawn into my world. A world of death and destruction. My love would corrupt you, and I can't allow that to happen. And, as much as I may wish it, I *can't* change what I am. I *am* War. I was born to be War, and I will remain War until the end of time. You deserve so much more than what I can give you. You deserve to be loved and cherished. A life with someone who isn't hated by those you consider friends. A life of love and laugher. Not one tainted with death and carnage. One of these days, Joxer, you'll realise that you're worthy of the most perfect love in the world. I only wish I was worthy of it, too.